149 DAYS : STILL NEVER YOURS

Chapter 22 - She Came Back

Jimin saw Myeong Jo going away with Jungkook from the window. He let out a sigh of relief as he thought a mistake got away from his life. He walked inside his room circularly without any reason. He felt restless. The room suddenly became hot due to his tenses. He didn’t understand why he was being so anxious for an unknown girl. A girl who betrayed him is finally leaving this world. He should be happy. Rather it felt like he's about to lose a part of his heart.

He looked at the table where Jungkook came and put a letter on it saying she wrote it for him. It's been a while it's there as Jimin didn’t find it necessary to read. But right now, he had an urge to read it. He thought what is she wrote something valuable which may work out for him in the future. So he decided to read it.

He took the letter and sat on the bed. And he began reading it,

“Dear Jimin,

I don’t know how I can explain everything. I have cried so many times for you and also laughed because of you. I shared many moments with you, moments that will remain in my heart forever. And I will not deny that it hurts, because a part of me is still where you are. But I am also aware that things have changed enormously and I will not continue to force myself to force things.

You are exactly what all my life expected, you are what made me turn every day like 180 degree turns, and although our love is forbidden, I cannot help loving you. I want to thank you for everything you did for me. I am very sorry for what I did. Every time we loved each other, because with your words, your caresses, your kisses and your looks, you make me the woman I am today. There are no words I can find to describe who you really are and what you mean to me.

You made me believe in love. Something I never experienced in my sorrowful life. I know I have snatched away the most invaluable girl from your life. Somehow, you are right. I made a selfish wish without thinking anything. I could've fallen down easily. Yet I had to make that unworthy wish that made your life pitch black. For that, if I could, I would lay down my life just to bring back your wife.

It is impossible for you to know how much my goodbye hurts, because I am sure that sooner or later you will be able to forget me and instead, I will remember you all the time with immense affection. I know that these words should not mean much to you at this time. I wish you could see everything from my point of view and maybe that way, it would be easier for you to forgive me. It would be easier to know that I ended up hurting you when I wanted to love you till the end.

I have caused too much sadness. I have stood as a problem and a mistake in your eyes. I have become a criminal in order to find happiness. The truth is that I feel that I deserve it, because I am hurting you and that is what I would have never wanted. I always wanted to be by your side and spend the rest of the world with you. Happily and with Lovely Care. But due to my little desire of finding you, I guess I destroyed everything between us.

It hurts me that even after all these months, you are still not mine. And I am still not yours. Then I remembered I was never yours to begin with. 149 days doesn’t matter at all. So I am leaving with this desicion of mine that I was never your wife and you were never my cutie, sexy, lovely Jimin.

Today I am broken down, because I know that I will no longer feel your caresses or your kisses, nor will I listen to all the sweet words that you have always told me. In this farewell, I wish you all the happiness in the world and find the love & happiness again you deserve. I will continue here and live with your memory inside me. That will keep me living, since you are part of that engine that moves me.

I want you to know that I have never been loved as you did or loved someone as much as you, and will continue to do so beyond death, because now that ours has to end, a part of me dies. I know for sure when I'll go back, I will never be able to smile again. Because my smile will remind me of your cute eye smile. I will never be able to laugh because the sound of my laugh will be incomplete without yours. I will never be able to promise because I have broken all the promises I made to you. Maybe this is what I deserve for doing the biggest mistake of my life. That I loved you like crazy.