Throne of Glass & A Court of Thorns and Roses: Two Worlds Collide

Chapter 21-Rowan

I flew until I couldn't fly anymore. After a while, I landed on a thick branch and shifted back into my fae form, and for a long time, I just sat on that branch. I didn't move-couldn't move.

How could she do this? Our child could die-she could die. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something terrible happened. The knowledge that I could have stopped her would haunt me for the rest of my immortal life.

Aelin's death wouldn't be the same as what happened with Lyria. I could feel it in my bones, I wouldn't be able to come back from this. Of course I loved Lyria, she was my mate and my equal and I was broken after I thought she died.

But Aelin was different, she'd breathed life back into me when I thought life was no longer worth living. She had made me believe in the world again, made me able to hope for things when I had completely given up. Aelin had become the only reason that I was able to wake up in the morning without dreading the day ahead of me. Aelin had reminded me that true, pure happiness was possible in a world of such hatred and sadness.

Yes, I had loved Lyria, but Aelin had become part of my soul-of my very being, and I knew I'd never find another person like her ever again. I'd never come back from the grief that her death-our child's death-would cause me.

I remembered the night that she'd almost burnt out, and how I had to carry her to a tub of cold water. That memory flashed through my mind.

As Aelin's skin had seared mine, causing excruciating pain, I'd kept running. It didn't matter how much pain I was in or how fast I had to run, I just knew I had to save her. I kept thinking that it would be my fault if she died; I had pushed her too far, I had told her to keep going when she physically couldn't.

It had been my fault, and then when I saw her scars I was so angry. I felt so betrayed, so I'd left her there. Alone. I made her feel useless, I thought she was just some snobby girl who didn't want responsibilities. She never corrected me, she just took it. Gods, I don't deserve her.

I realized that that was what I had just done. She was so heartbroken when I left but I was so stuck in my own head that I didn't stop to think about her-about what she thought of all of this. What kind of person had I become? I had to go back, no matter how angry I was-how much I didn't want her to do what she inevitably would; I had to just be there.

I shifted back into my hawk form and flew as fast as I could back to the house. I wouldn't leave her, not again. I would do anything in my power to ensure her and our child's safety. To whatever end.