14 | so much for not wanting

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The grumbling and thundering of the floor beneath my soles became a symphony as I finally struck out on the third shot of tequila

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The grumbling and thundering of the floor beneath my soles became a symphony as I finally struck out on the third shot of tequila...only to wave for another. Blinding beams crowned my tipsy mind and I bopped to the pop music that everyone else seemed to be dancing to.

"Wow, this got you more messed up than the break-up itself hasn't it?" Lexi raised, carrying a martini glass like the posh woman she is beneath the dim neon lights. We sat at the bar just looking out into the crowd and I snorted.

"This is the break-up," I say, feeling a little dizzy. "It's got everything to do with that stupid break-up." I downed the fourth shot, still cringing at its strong taste. I call for another.

"First of all, that era has run its course, it's time to make a new one and second of all, how do you expect us to help you when we don't even know who this person is?" Ana expressed, sipping from her beer and I frowned.

"Ana's right. You usually tell us who a new man is and the very fact that you haven't and called a code Rachel is beyond me. You've never used that code before." Lexi says and I roll my eyes.

"I just want to know if it's too soon to date again. I mean, I was just engaged, right? Rachel was literally in a wedding dress days or weeks before Paolo you know? Like, when is it right to-"

"Hook up?" Ana raised a brow and I nudged her-but failed to correct her.

"Look...if you want a straight answer...you quite literally called Leo an asshole several times and you didn't even shed a tear when you two ended things. That's not saying something?" Lexi laid out, and I chewed on my lip.

It's true, I've called Leo some horrific names even I wouldn't repeat to anyone unless absolutely appropriate. It's even more true that I despised him for what he had put me through yet as I've known for a while, there is a sleight of guilt living within me that I'd been struggling to put off.

"Yeah I know what I said and I meant it...but it was good at the beginning. There was something and it wasn't all just pain and nothing. I just don't want to-we were together for two years and somehow I'm going out with someone like a month after we burned out. It's like I'm saying two years meant crap." I admitted, struggling to put out the right words as my head progressively felt lighter.

"Girl, you've said that this guy is nice. You say that he's charming, very attractive and successful. If you compare that to Leo...is it really worth it worrying about the few months of bliss?" Ana placed a hand on my shoulder and I clench my jaw. She makes a good point.

"If your reason for not wanting to date him is solely based on you not wanting to hurt then we get that. But Jean, you have not mentioned that in the hour we've been here. All you did was talk about how dreamy this guy is I mean-how long since you last got laid?" Lexi asked and I didn't hesitate to take the fifth bitter yet scorching shot. Afraid of dying, I asked for a whiskey neat to follow.

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