7|Tears Are Prayers Too

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New York City, New York
September 4, 2018

"Connor," I gasp.

"Care to explain?" He asks and I shake my head while trying to cover Olivia's bleeding spots.

"Why is she bleeding?" He angrily asks.

He doesn't know where we went! Thank goodness!

"I don't know what you're talking about," I respond before pushing past him with Olivia, but he pulls me back.

"I'm going to tell you one more time to stop walking away from me, next time you're going to regret it. Now go clean her up," he harshly pushes me away and I stumble on my feet.

I sit Olivia on the bathroom counter while looking in various drawers for bandaids.

"I'm sorry this happened Olivia, I should have been paying closer attention. I'm a horrible nanny," I say while tears begin to form in my eyes.

It's true, I am a horrible nanny. I let her eat what her dad won't, I take her places her dad doesn't want me to, I leave her at home while I secretly attend my college classes.

"You're not a horrible nanny," she says while trying to wipe my tears away.

After cleaning her up, I put her in front of the television to watch Paw Patrol while I head up to my room.

I lay on my bed and cry into my pillow, not only because I'm a horrible nanny, but because I'm struggling so much financially they might as well arrest me.

I hear a light knock on the door.

"Harper, please come out," Olivia's soft voice begs.

"Olivia what are you doing?" I hear Connor ask her from outside the door.

"Miss Harper is sad," she whispers, but I can still hear it.

The fact that she cares so much about me, but, I do all this horrible stuff to her breaks my heart.

"Go play in your room for a little bit princess," he tells her.

The door slowly opens, he didn't even knock. I guess it is his house after all.

I keep my face buried in the pillow.

"Harper, what's wrong?" He ask while sitting on my bed.

"Nothing," I mumble into the pillow.

"Then why do you have your face in a pillow?" He asks.

"Because. It. Smells good," I say in between sobs.

He rips the pillow out from under me, forcing me to have to look at him.

I look in my nearby mirror, my eyes are extremely red. The embarrassment I feel right now is indescribable.

"Harper what's wrong?" He asks again. I put my face in my hands.

"Nothing, I'm fine." I respond.

He pulls my hands down and puts his hands on my face.

"We both know you're not fine," he might be rude sometimes, but he is definitely not an idiot.

"Please just leave me alone," I beg and he sighs.

"Well if you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here," he wipes away my remaining tears before leaving the room.

After he leaves the room I lock the door and pull out all my bills. Car bills, college bills, phone bills, every kind of bill out there basically.

"Just great," I say while flipping through all of them.

I decide to call my best friend from back home, Jessica, to give her my life update.

"Hey Harper, how is New York treating you?" She asks in her usual peppy tone.

"Horrible, how's Tennessee?" I ask.

"I'm sorry Harper, I'm sure it'll get better soon. You know, life's pretty good out here. It's strange not having our usual classmates around to goof off and get in trouble," she admits.

The thought of our graduating class of 2018 makes me smile. They were the people I grew up with from preschool to senior year. Sometimes it just hits me at random points in the day that there will never be another time where all of us can be in the same room again.

"No more being able to not study for test and still being able to ace them," I laugh.

"No more food days in the computer classroom," she adds.

"Gosh, I really want to go back to high school!" I say rather loudly, hoping nobody in the house heard it.

Despite Jessica being my best friend, I know she wouldn't approve of what I am reluctantly doing to Olivia in order to continue attending college.

I take a shower and doze off to sleep at 6:00. After a few hours of being asleep I am awoken by my door being opened. However, I don't move or sit up in bed.

I squint my eyes to see who it is. Connor, of course. He walks over to my bed and looks at me, making me want to laugh.

"You look a lot nicer when you're asleep and not trying to tell me off." He whispers before turning around.

A light giggle escapes my lips.  He shakes his head, but doesn't bother to turn around.

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