Bad Boy Knows My Secret (BxB)

21 - Forbidden Crush

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the time when I first realized I was gay.

To be honest, I don't actually remember the exact moment. I recall watching a movie when I was about 13, which was quite sexual, don't ask me why I was watching that kind of movies at such a young age. I don't know the name of the movie but I do remember that there was a sex scene between a man and a woman. I also remember how I started looking at the man and thinking how handsome he was.

But that wasn't my first man crush. Actually I'm not even sure if I can call this one a crush because it could have been just a friendship. I was too young to understand that kind of stuff back then and my memories are very fragile.

Anyhow, before I moved in this town to live with my parents I was with my grandparents in a different town. It was much larger than this one. I was studying there for 4 years and I remember in 3rd grade we had a transfer student from Korea. His name was Tae-soo. He didn't speak English very well so a lot of the kids bullied him because of that. I, on the other hand, tried my best to help him study English and he taught me a little about his own culture. I don't remember much about him but there is one thing that I don't think I'll ever forget.

One day when we were going back from school I saw a little kitten crossing the street. The cat looked so adorable that I decided to pick him up and take him home with me. Unfortunately my grandma was allergic to cats and I knew we couldn't keep him but Tae-soo told me we could take care of the kitten together. I was so happy for the rest of the road and patting the cat from excitement.

But soon everything changed for worse. When we were not too far from my house, out of nowhere a dog started running towards us, growling and showing its teeth. Dog's eyes were glued on my chest where I was holding a poor kitten and its gaze was so intense. I decided to run away but I was so terrified I couldn't even move my feet. The dog started barking once he got closer to us and slowed down. I remembered that my grandpa told me that dogs can feel when you're afraid and so you shouldn't show your emotions to them even if you're really scared. I tried my best to stay still in hope that the dog would just leave us alone and closed my eyes. My braveness didn't last for very long and I took a step back. My action angered the dog even more and soon it marched towards us.

When I saw what was happening I unintentionally fell on my butt. After that I thought that there was nothing that could save me so I hugged the little kitten in hope that I could at least save him. Soon the dog closed the distance between us and started barking even louder. I screamed and Tae-soo started throwing rocks at it but nothing worked. The dog lunged towards me and scratched my right brow with its claws. I felt so much pain in there that I couldn't hold it in anymore and so I started crying. I put my hand on my injured brow and felt blood pouring from it. Oh and I got a scar from that accident by the way, which actually some people really liked but I hated it for my entire childhood because everyone was asking me how I got it and it was so annoying telling the same story over and over again.

During all that the kitten managed to slip away from my other hand and ran towards the nearest house. The dog chased after the cat but the kitten somehow escaped. Angry dog looked back at me and growled as if it was looking for the revenge because I saved a poor cat. I was about to shout for help when someone stood between me and the dog.

I looked up and saw Tae-soo standing in front of me. He had his school bag in his hands and was swinging it like a sledgehammer. The dog lunged towards him but the bag hit its head. Dog's howling covered the entire area. The sound was so loud and bizarre that I covered my ears so I wouldn't lose my hearing senses.

The dog ran away after that and I finally stopped shaking. At first I didn't realize what was going on around me but soon I came back to my senses and marched towards Tae-soo, hugging him so tight that we were barely able to breathe. I felt like he was my knight in shining armor who just saved my life from a torturous death.

I think that was the first time I ever felt so safe around someone, because my parents hardly ever visited me, thought my grandparents were very loving and kind towards me I somehow still felt disconnected from them. I believe that was the first time I ever felt so close to someone and I guess you could even say that I loved him. Though I'm not entirely sure what kind of love it was since I was so little but I do remember that every time I saw him I felt so happy.

Was he my first love? I'm not sure, I'll leave that for you to decide.

But now let's talk about my more recent encounters with men. Actually there was just one boy that I liked for my entire high school years. His name's Matt and I've briefly mentioned him every now and then. Unfortunately I knew that we could never be together but I still couldn't help to like him.

As the time passed my crush started fading away from my dreams though. He used to visit me in my wildest dreams and we were going on dates and stuff but not too long ago all of that stopped. No actually it didn't stop, he was just replaced by someone else. I would never admit it out loud but I can at least tell you. That person was Andrew. Yeah, I know, you may not be surprised not even a little bit but I definitely was shocked when I saw him last night in my dream looking as gorgeous as ever.

After that incident I tried my best to avoid him and my feelings too. I didn't want to like him because well, you know, he's straight and stuff. I mean, getting over Matt was hard enough the last thing I need is having a crush on Andrew.

In Andrew's case it will be much harder for me to hide my emotions towards him because he became such a huge part of my daily life. I see him every day unlike Matt who I occasionally met on lunch or in a school hallway. I hadn't even spoken to him but Andrew was someone that I talked with on a daily bases.

Not to mention the fact that if he found out about how I felt he'd definitely reveal my secret to the entire town and well after that my life's practically over. So I better learn to control my true feelings and start accepting the fact that there is no way I'll ever get a boyfriend, not unless I get out of this stupid town.

"Did you even hear a word I just said?" Speak of the devil, Andrew waved his hands in front of my eyes in order to snap me back into the reality, which I so desperately tried to escape from.

"What?" I blinked and shook my head slightly to understand what was happening to me. "Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to tell me something?"

Andrew smiled grabbing an apple from the kitchen and biting into it. He quickly swallowed and continued. "Yes, actually. I told you to go get changed."

"But why?" I sounded a little off because my voice was a little shaky. "Are we going somewhere? Oh, did you find a new lead about your father's case?"

Andrew's smile dropped with a mention of his beloved father and he sighed before speaking up. "No, and I already told you that you should stay away from that, didn't I? I don't need you to get in trouble because of me or my father."

"Okay, fine." I rolled my eyes from annoyance but I knew I didn't want to anger him. Not ever since I saw his dark side. "But where are we going then?"

Andrew rose his eyebrows teasingly and continued biting into the apple he just picked up. "We're going to my friend's party."