The prospect of becoming an Empress seemed blissful, yet the reality proved to be more cursed than she could have imagined.
Every day, Nayantara's whispered prayers reached the heavens: 'Would it not have been better had I embraced death's embrace...
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'Nothing in this world is as pure as fire.'
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For Nayantara POV of last chapter refer to PROLOGUE. In this chapter don't miss any line. Each and every have a message and meaning. )
Nayantara's POV
I felt pain in my body out of weakness, head heavy and eyelids couldn't open even after putting hell lot of efforts.
But after finally managing to open my eyes, I kept staring at the ceiling with the beautiful candilar. For hours and hours. I could see the time passing as the sun changing its angle in the sky.
Everything kept on rewinding in my mind.
Last night, my incapability to stop him.
The sneak out at night with him
Chess games
Our conversation
Was it only his fault? No.
It was my fault.
My fault was more than anyone.
Man are known to have weaker will power than woman. They have less was what we call self-control.
It's us, the women, who are the symbol of purity, dignity, love, selflessness, devotion.
Men lack these feelings. Even if they have, it couldn't achieve the level of a woman. If they do they are God.
The only reason, the power of giving life to a single cell was given to woman. Because she can, she can handle all the pain and changes for as long as almost nine months. She can give a part of herself, give her blood of this mankind. Because no one else but her have the quality of putting everything else before her.
But her integrity? No. Everything but her integrity woman is the fire if used wisely gives to warmth, light and food but if tried to play which will burn them down into ashes.
If I wouldn't have let him come so close to me. This would never have had happened.
Its man nature, to get out of control. Its woman who be in control in all the tough and rough time.
But I, I will be ashame for whole of us, woman community.
I couldn't control myself. I couldn't be faithful to my husband.
Isn't this should be a topic of debate that this faithfulness had no meaning in men dictionary and is everything in woman's life. And if they are royal, forget about the meaning they don't even have word.
They can have as many as women as they can. But if a woman even talk to another man, she is labeled as characterless.
No. I am not justifying what happened last night. What I did is a crime. Not to anyone, but to myself. I fell in my own eyes.
If someone is wrong, that doesn't gives you the right to be wrong to.
But all of things, had me thinking about the difference we have.
But if I will ask this to anyone, they will look at me with those judgmental eyes, call me with names, disqualify me from a higher society of woman. Ask me to shut up and veil down.
May be these harsh laws were never made for man because they knew they couldn't follow them. They are not strong enough too.
But I am not weak.
I know my feelings for that man are wrong and I don't justify this with any fact, tradition or argument.
And I will prove that woman are always more powerful. I know I have my integrity. I am pure but bringing another man thought in my mind, made me think of doing things to myself to set an example that we are not weak.
The fire is known for it's purity. Nothing is this world is as pure as fire. And there is nothing in this world which can't be pure by fire.
This mind, which got corrupted with the thought of another man. This heart, which let another man touch this sinful body of five element shall be burnt to get pure. For another life. For another chance.
I looked around. Royal palace never lacks in fire. Do they?
I gathered the last ounce of strength in myself with my defeated mind and soul. And walked towards the mashal glowing in its glory.
Fire symbolizes purity.
Why?
Because it burns every which tries to touch her. Until it's last breath.
It glows because it's untouchable.
I closed my eyes, joined my hands and remembered agni dev, my mother and father whom I only heard about, my in-laws, my husband and in the end my God Shri SiyaRam.
If I am impure. If my mind got corrupted. If I bought the thought of any other man than my husband in my mind may this holy fire, the symbol of purity purify every single cell of my body. If my faithfulness towards my husband weakened at any point let me end this all at once to free myself with this burden and regret.
I took the mashal and brought in to my dupatta. Its instantly caught fire.
As it was burning, my burning heart was cooling.
I am Chandravali Virat Pratap Singh. And if not I am no one. I smiled looking at the speed of the fire. It was fast.
Heat was reaching my skin. Burning sensation ran through whole of body.
I closed my eyes again, remembering the childhood version of my husband, a smiled formed on my lips, tears rolled down my eyes.
Only if I could have got to see him once. He would have grown up in a handsome, strong warrior he was born like. But then Pratap face came in front of my eyes. I abruptly opened them. No more willing to do this sin of thinking about him anymore.
And a splash of water drenched me from heat to toe.
The fire vanished like never existed. I looked at my half burnt clothes. Fire could even touch my skin yet.
And I thought, what is more powerful water, which changes with situation or fire, which is too rigid to change.
Fire, who have the capacity to make water change it's states or water which holds the power to remove the existence of fire.
My vision got cleared and I saw a fuming in rage man standing in front of me. Last time he told me his name, it was Pratap.
