When I Met Him

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟏𝟏

I am happy lately though there is something strange going on between me and Shaad. He looks at me every single second but the moment I look back at him he turns his face. What have I done to be ignored by him like this, this is the same person who told me, 𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭.... 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦.... LIES. My bad, I believed him, never mind it's never too late to take my steps back. There's a fair going on here. It begins at the end of November and lasts till first week of December. I love the vibe it gives. The giant wheel, break dance car ride, trampoline not just these but different kind of food items makes it special to have once in a year. I asked ashfaque to come with me, we will have a good time, but he said NO! and gave me some stupid reasons which I definitely don't believe in at all.
He said if he comes with me & his relatives saw me with him it will be a game over for our relationship. Giving me threats of our relationship ending, has been his strategy always. So now that I have no friends, I have to go all alone this time too. Komal is busy with her boyfriend who I don't like for some reason, so I hate his topic. Should I ask Shaad to come with me? NOPE. He has been avoiding me since a few weeks I should keep my distance too or else I'll look desperate for his attention which I am not! 𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘮𝘦...

THE NEXT DAY:

I have come to college early today and now I have to wait for degree college student's lectures to end till then I am going on the fourth floor where ashfaque's class is just to see him. My creepy habit is me peeking into his classroom. Just then a hand comes over my shoulder,
"He is not in there, he won't be coming today" its Faiza, his classmate.
"Oh...he didn't tell me anything about him not coming today, I was just passing through his class, so I thought of checking on him" why am I explaining this to her.
"Yeah, he told me this yesterday, when he asked me to come to the fair with him" she says.
To come to the fair? but when I asked him, he said if his relatives see him with any girl, they'd kill him, and stuff so why did he asked her?
"Hey where did you get out in space?" she asks wobbling me back from my thoughts.
"Nothing can I have your phone to talk to him, I have my phone, but it's not recharged" I lied. "Sure, here, take this. Don't go anywhere from here, I'll be back in a while from the staff's room" she renders her phone to me and leaves. Now I know it's not a good thing to check anyone's phone but it's about me, what is ashfaque up to? why he denied right on my face to come with me to the same place he is asking her out to. I opened her WhatsApp, luckily, it's not locked. I opened their chats,
"Aren't you going to the fair?" ashfaque asks her. "I want to go, but I have no one to accompany me" she says. My eyes got perplexed on the text he sends next "I am here to accompany you every time you want, isn't that enough?" I am flustered. I don't even know how to respond to it. But I know I don't have much time I should export their chats into my phone and then read it all later. 

I will be late for classes today, I left home on time, but I have stopped in between, in a park, I need more time to register what I read from Ashfaque and Faiza's chats. How can he do this to me every time? why can't he appreciate me in the first time itself? Am I so hard to be loved? I have to take a decision right now or else I will always suffer with him cheating on me in so many ways I can't count now. But I really wished my first relationship to be my last, I tried my best I swear. But its time! time to stop being so powerless, everyone deserves to be loved the way they desire & so do I. To think for myself isn't selfish Afterall.  I am so much hurt right now I don't even feel like going to class today. Komal will know right away there's something wrong with me.... also, I am already facing so much right now I don't want to face Shaad's ignorance there. His actions and words affect me a lot more than it should. I crave his attention, sometimes, there is something strangely attracting between us, but I am so loyal to that Bastard that I ignore what my heart feels when I am with Shaad.
My heart feels safe around him, my inner child feels alive around him. He never suppresses the real me, but the fact is I feel myself happier with him.
As a result, to which, his every action and reaction affects me, and I don't know the reason for it damn it! I am a mess. I have no idea what he feels about me or what he thinks of me, but I know it's not bad, I can feel it. Even if we have stopped talking all of a sudden, I still know he doesn't have any resentment towards me. Then what is it? why can't he just tell me about everything on my face instead of hiding it in his honey lemon eyes. It's been a while that I have looked at him properly, but I remember his eyes from back then when we went out together. He has something in his eyes that took all my attention & I hate it. I hate the idea of how attached I've become to him without knowing his intentions, so attached that a slight change in his behavior is perceptible to me. 

Thats it I am going to ask him directly, what is wrong with him lately why is he acting strange. If not a straight answer, I'll at least get a hint and then I will find out the whole thing myself. Done. So tomorrow I will go to class and confront him. All the best Muskan.