When I Met Him

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟑𝟕

I hate that I am still hoping. I am dreaming, I am dreaming, come on, wake up, wakeup, WAKEUP! It's not a dream. It's always my fault, isn't it?

ASHFAQUE: Muskan he said he don't walk to look at your face, don't want to talk to you, don't even want to hear your voice ever again. And one more thing, because of Shaad, Afrid is not talking to you. Afrid believed that you have slept with him, so he became distant from you. Thats the whole truth. Please do not stress yourself so much, by god's grace you have started to heal do not spoil it.

ME: Afrid believed him over me? am I that bad?

ASHFAQUE: No, you are not, but if I were someone who didn't knew how you are actually, I would have believed that too. 

ME: Everyone left me ashfaque. Every person I gave importance to. Komal, she left me when I needed her the most, for what? for whom? for her boyfriend. she is still not here now that I again need her the most. Afrid, I was with him throughout his breakup phase, through ever ups and downs, whenever he called me, I was there, he left me for what? why? Shaad, I love him ashfaque I love him to my life, I had dreams for him, hope with him, I didn't even realize what he was up to. Thankyou ashfaque for not leaving me even when I hated you, you stayed by my side giving me stupid reasons. I am actually really thankful to you. But the conditions are still same, I will never love anyone now. For what you have done for me, in return I can just do that pretentious girlfriend drama with you until you want. You did worst to me as a lover but best to me as a friend. You are my best friend indeed. Thanks for everything but again do not keep any hopes from me. Even if Shaad never loved me, how can I forget that I love him, my love is real, and it will never fade.

ASHFAQUE: No need to thank me it's not like I am doing anything for free. But yeah, take care of yourself and just forget that bastard you deserve better.

ME: Maybe, but I never want better, I just wanted him. Just him. Goodbye.

NEXT DAY:

Today is the first day I woke up knowing that he is not mine and it hurts me to know that he is okay with this. I think what hurt me the most is that many people saw it coming and the only thing I ever wanted him to do is to prove them all wrong, but he couldn't even do that for me. I lost something I never had. Everything, my life completely changed in just one evening. I was never prepared for this, never.

I really wished we could have been everything I dreamed we would be, but I forgot to ask if he had the same dreams. I hope my absence gives him peace my love couldn't. Now, I'll just wait till the end of my time on this earth, but I will never love anyone. I don't have love left in me anymore, whatever I had I gave it to him. I can't take that return.

ASHFAQUE: How are you?

ME: You don't have to ask me every day. I'll be fine one day, I hope. Thankyou.

FOUR MONTHS LATER:

Its Shaad's birthday maybe if I wish him today, he'll talk to me, and I can ask him why he did this to me. I have created a fake Instagram account solely for this purpose. As I text him, he comes to know it's me, he shouts at me and blocked again. 

It's not like I am done giving efforts, but no, I'll wait for him to release how badly he broke him. I'll wait for him to come back to me.

AND WHEN WE MEET AGAIN, I HOPE IS NOT TOO PROUD TO ADMIT THAT WALKING AWAY FROM ME WAS HIS MISTAKE. I'll always wait for him, and I will always love him no matter however long it takes. It's not a promise to him but to myself. My heart will never be recognized by anybody else's love, it was, and it will always be Shaad. I don't care what he did to me, if he asks for my forgiveness, I will forgive and forget everything, that much desperate I am for his love.

If life was a book, then meeting him was my favorite chapter. There will be more than one chapter of heartbreak, he doesn't know it yet, but he will find me there, waiting at the last pages of love.