When I Met Him

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟏𝟗

I've woke up sad today. It's the last day of our classes, last lecture. I won't be able to see him again......class was my excuse to see him every day, to talk to him every day. Since the day we had those emotional talks between us, everything's fine. He didn't mention anything related to ashfaque after that, he too knows my sufferings Afterall. A part of me is dying inside by just a mere thought of what will I do without him? If I can't smile without him, if my day is incomplete without talking to him, how will I survive without him, forever.
Yes, forever. I may love him, but I know the moment I'll commit myself to him, he'll change. I know it's just my assumption and overthinking brain, but I don't want to risk it, I don't want to risk what we have, its beautiful. It's the last day as we talk to each other, get to see each other. I wonder if he has the same feelings to this. Also, apart from Shaad, I'll miss Komal and Aftaab too. The bond four of us made throughout this year is exceptionally good, the understanding we have for each other is top notch.
Its physics lecture today, I don't care anyways about the lecture all I can focus at this moment is that 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘪'𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮. I am terrified of the fact how much important he is to me, just the thought of him away from me, has broken me. I've been quiet all day at home, haven't spoked a single word since morning. I wish I had the power to look into someone's brain and checkout what they're thinking so I could've used this power over Shaad today. I really need to know what he thinks about me. He often does cute little things for instance; I once doodled his name in his notebook with love. After which Aftaab jokingly tried to scribble on it and Shaad literally gave him death stare. 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘵.

I came early to the classes today, hoping him to come early too, without even informing him. Yes, that's how weak I am at communicating. I'll expect things to happen without actually doing anything about it. But it's my heart that is connected to him, his heart knows what I want without me asking for anything. He automatically perceives my happiness and sadness. I am a person with no communication skills, and he is the person extremely expressive. 𝙾𝙿𝙿𝙾𝚂𝙸𝚃𝙴 𝙰𝚃𝚃𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝚂. He enters the class, smiles looking at me, but I am not smiling back. How can I? it's our last day watching each other, I won't be able to have a look at him, pass smile at him. Why is he so happy? isn't he worried about these things like I am. He saw my poker face and shirked his eyebrows. He instantly came to know somethings wrong, so he rushes to his place. I turn around to talk to him as I say,
"Why are you smiling?" My question made him confused.
"That is the first thing we do when we see each other isn't it? he says dementedly.
"This is the last day we are seeing each other, have you forgot, today is the last lecture."
"Where are you going to? New York? You live hardly 30 minutes away from my place."
"That still doesn't change the fact that we are seeing each other for the last time today."
"Am I so bad that you don't want to look at me ever again?" his voice has softened suddenly.

The class receptionist comes in to inform us that today is a self-study lecture. No teacher will be coming today, doubts will be solved during exams.
"Shit! I wanted to learn oscillation today!" Shaad exclaimed.
"May I?" I just need more and more time with him, can't get a better excuse.
"It will be my pleasure."
I finally smiled and asked Aftaab to swap place with me. But he is teasing me. He thinks I want to sit on his place not because I want to teach Shaad, but because I really want to sit there. 𝘋𝘢𝘮𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵! I asked him once, twice or maybe five times, but he is stubborn. No, not stubborn, he is a tease. So, I got an idea.

I turn around completely, putting my legs into the gap between my bench and Shaad's desk. So now the scene is, my legs are exactly on the same place where Shaad's legs are, and my hands are on his desk too. We both are sharing the same desk and the space between us is nanoscopic. I know it is my idea but what a stupid idea it is. At this rate I'll not be able to teach him anything, not even a single word. I took this action so suddenly, that now, the entire class is staring at us. 𝘋𝘢𝘮𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘔𝘶𝘴𝘬𝘢𝘯, 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘭.  I am staring at everyone, and they are looking at me with 'haw' reaction on their faces. I swear I didn't pull this move purposely. I am so done now, I give side eyed angry look to Aftaab as I say,
"It is happening because of you; you could have swap place with me but you--" 
"Thats not fair you don't get to blame me for anything, besides, you really wanted to do this, don't you?" Aftaab is still being a tease.
 Okay I know I did nothing wrong here, these people are just creating unnecessary drama.
"Hey, everyone, can't you all mind your own business huh? what's here? your grandfather's treasure or what? come on get back to your work and if I see anyone giving me that look again & smiling for no reason I swear, I'll break their teeth's, plural." Just as I say this, everyone took their eyes away from me and now that I noticed, I AM TOO CLOSE TO SHAAD!