Chapter 31

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Everything was...different.

After the incident, several things happened to me all at once that made it feel like the world was crashing down on me.

The major thing I figured out and the reason behind Jimin's disappointment in me, was that Jiyeon saw what had happened. She saw every last detail. From the kiss, to my inability to do anything, even my betrayal of her and the kids by disregarding the date.

What she didn't see was how I finally cut Eunjae out of our life, but I'm sure that wouldn't be much consolation for the heartbreak she was experiencing.

I did exactly what I promised her I'd never do. I promised her and I promised myself that I'd never get hung up on old feelings. It was as I told her, she was my today and my tomorrow. But I was too caught up with yesterday to realize the gift of the present and the future.

On top of that, my kids seemed to hate me. Okay maybe hate was a strong word, but it was pretty damn close. The two angels I knew who would always joke with me and hug me weren't there. The kids I saw were the ones that only did what they needed to and nothing more. I mean even Kanghee who was a social two-year-old was following her brother around and refused to be the little lovebug I cuddled every night.

I felt like I was drowning. I ruined everything and I had no idea how to get it back. I tried calling Jiyeon everyday. I called her personal number, I called the hotline, I texted her, hell I even emailed her. But she wouldn't answer anything. And that was killing me not only because I needed to apologize to her but because I was worried about her safety and if she decided to cut ties with me, I'd have no way of keeping her safe. And with the kids, I tried everything to get them to talk to me. But they wouldn't budge. They never did the things they once loved. No more park, no more toys, no movies, and no cuddles. The two of them latched onto Jimin like they're lives depended on it. And all Jimin could do was accept it while giving me a sad smile.

I screwed up really badly. And it was killing me slowly. I needed to fix this. I needed to make everything okay.

And that started with the root of the pain.

Lee Jiyeon.

I was one-hundred percent sure that the kids' animosity towards me had to do with an unspoken loyalty to Jiyeon. I vaguely remember that the kids were looking towards and open window the day of the incident.

So if I wanted to get them to open up, I needed to see her first. Which is what I planned on doing anyway, because I hurt her badly. I let past emotions get in the way of the most perfect thing I had.

The kids were with Jimin anyway so I picked up my car keys and decided to head to Jiyeon's apartment.

The ride was so tense. The air was thick with discomfort and regret and I couldn't seem to shake it no matter how hard I tried.

I messed up. That's what kept repeating in my head. It made me want to cry. I couldn't bear the thought of Jiyeon's beautiful face shedding tears because of me. How could I ever hurt someone so precious and delicate as her?

When I arrived there, I tried to swallow all of my nerves and took small steps into the complex.

No one really questioned my presence because I had been here a lot, so all Jiyeon's neighbors knew who I was. But that didn't shake the strange feeling of being judged that I got as I rode up the elevator to her apartment.

My steps felt heavy and my heart was pounding. Each step reminded me of my mistake and my impending doom. Jiyeon had experienced a lot in her life. But she always came out on top. She had built this admirable resolve and strength that not many have the ability to develop.

Would she push me away? Would she slam the door in my face? Would she cry? Would she hear me out?

Those questions ran through my head as I approached her door.

And then when I got there, I took one long and deep breath to calm myself down. I bit my lip to prevent myself from crying as I knocked on the door.

It sounded like there were multiple voices coming from the other side, but thankfully, I heard steps approaching the door.

I needed to see her again. I had to make things right.

But there was one thing I didn't count on. One important detail that slipped my mind.

Jiyeon's sworn protector.

I was met with the face not of Lee Jiyeon, but of her best friend and protector, Kim Hana.

Before I could even register what was happening, I felt an incredible force push me back against the wall.

"You loser! Who do you think you are to show up here! You sick, pathetic, pitiful waste of space!" Hana spoke sharply.

She was holding my shirt collar tightly and her eyes were full of rage.

"I told you what would happen if you ever hurt her! You told me you loved her! You told her you loved her! But you still decided that breaking her heart was more important all because you were caught up with your ugly ex right?"

I had no words. She was right. Hana told me that she would do anything for Jiyeon and that it was my responsibly to take care of her. I broke her trust. I broke both of their trusts.

"You have nothing to say for yourself? Figures. You can't even own up to your mistakes. What the hell are you doing here anyway? If you think you're going to be able to talk to her, you're very wrong."

My voice was barely audible as my lip quivered, "Hana please. I came to make things right. I'm sorry. Truly. I feel so helpless and my heart hurts because I hurt her. I swear I love her as much as I love my kids. She means the world to me, please Hana you have to believe me."

She sighed, "I would've believed you if you didn't do what you did. I trusted you Taehyung. I really did. But you broke that trust and you broke her heart. You have no right to be here."

Tears rolled down my cheeks as the weight of her words sunk in. I felt like I was dying.

Behind Hana, I noticed that the door was wide open. And right there was Jiyeon. My beautiful Jiyeon.

One hand was tightly clutching the 'Taeji' necklace I gave her while the other hand was over her mouth to prevent her sobs from escaping.

She was crying so hard.

Because of me.

I wanted to push Hana away and hug the living daylights out of Jiyeon. I wanted to squeeze her and tell her everything would be okay. I wanted to work it out with her.

But I caused this. I caused this entire thing.

I looked at Jiyeon, "Ji...please. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I swear. I love you. I always will."

Hana got in my face, "That's what they all say. You need to leave Taehyung. Please just go."

I looked back at Jiyeon who had now run away and was crying loudly.

I was broken. And I broke her.

Hana pushed me away before slamming the door behind her.

That was it.

I fell to the floor in agony and desperation.

Had I really just lost the light of my life?

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