I'm sorry Ms. Miller

Chapter 20: "I care about you"

After these two weeks, I moved to mum’s apartment, but nothing really changed. I kept feeling empty and broken and I was fighting the urge to go and talk to her. I needed her back in my life.

It was now Friday and I have been staying with my mum for two weeks. It’s officially been a month since the last time I spoke with Alexandra.

Lately, she seemed to be struggling, she looked tired and run-down and the past week she didn’t come to school at all, the sub told us she was sick but I wasn’t sure that was the case.

My friends bugged the hell out of me to visit her, just to check up on her and I decided I should. I wanted to see if I could mend things between us, I missed her so much and I truly felt her absence, I really fucking loved her.

I walked to her house and I knocked on the door, I started growing nervous as I was waiting for her to open the door. She did and she stared at me.

-“What are you doing here?” She mumbled, she looked awful.

-“I just wanted to check up on you, I was worried” She eyed me.

-“Would you like to come in?”

-“Sure” She stepped aside and we walked into her living room, it was messy, which was surprising since she was always so organized.

-“I’m sorry for the mess, I’m sick and I didn’t have to courage to clean” Her voice was raspy and she sounded weak.

-“Don’t worry about it. Have you been sick all week?”

-“Yes” She nodded, it broke my heart seeing her like that.

-“What are your symptoms?”

-“I have a headache, a fever, a sore throat, my body is aching, I’m coughing and I feel dizzy. Oh and my nose is stuffed”

-“Shit, it’s been like that all week?”

-“Yes, that’s why I wasn’t at school”

-“Alex, I wanted to apologize”

-“Emma, now it’s not the time, please, I feel terrible”

-“I know, I’m sorry, I just wanted you to know that I feel awful about the way I handled things” She started coughing and when she stopped she looked at me.

-“When you left, it really hurt me Emma, but it helped me realize just how much you meant to me. I want to be with you no matter how scary or weird it might be”

-“I was really hurt too, I know I was the one who made that stupid decision, but that doesn’t mean that it was easy for me. I missed you and I was worried about you”

Her eyes got glossy and I could tell she wanted to hug me, but instead, she turned her head to the side and sneezed, causing me to chuckle.

-“It’s not funny” She pouted “It’s actually painful”

-“I know, I’m sorry” She shivered and I put my hand on her forehead, she was burning. “You have a fever” I got up and got her the thermometer, I helped her place it and as we waited for it I got a wet towel to put on her forehead.

-“38.5”

-“That’s quite high, have taken any medication today?” She shook her head no and I went and got her some ibuprofen and a glass of water. “Here” She took it and then laid on the couch, she pulled the blanket over her and I also brought her the duvet from her room.

-“Thank you Emma”

-“Have you eaten anything today?”

-“No”

-“Alright, try to sleep and I’ll go make something.”

I went in the kitchen and decided to make soup with chicken and rice. When I was done I checked up on her and she was still sleeping. The fever had gone down but she was sweaty. I woke her up.

-“How are you feeling?” She shrugged. “The food is ready, why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll serve us.” She nodded and moved to stand up.

-“I’m dizzy” She whined and I gave her my hand. I helped her stand up and put my arm around her waist and led her in the kitchen. I served her and sat next to her. “Have you eaten?”

-“Yes, my mum made Mac n cheese” She scrunched her nose and I laughed at her reaction “You know, you are not better than us Americans, you pretentious Italian” I joked and she started laughing, which sadly soon turned into coughing. She was gasping for air and I rubbed circles on her back. She finally calmed down and she seemed exhausted.

She started eating and ended up finishing the whole plate which was surprising because when people are sick they don’t usually have an appetite.

-“Thank you, it was great”

-“Do you want more?”

-“No thanks, I’m full”

-“Have you eaten anything today?” She shook her head no. “How long has it been since you ate a proper meal?”

-“Maybe about a week, since I got sick”

-“Shit” I took the plates to the sink.

-“I’ll go take a shower” She said and I nodded.

As she showered I tidied up her room and changed her bedsheets, I opened the window to let fresh air flow and then moved on to tidy up the living room. I made sure to not let the window open for too long and then gathered the medicine she needed to get better. I’m such a simp.

She came out of the bathroom and she gasped getting in her room.

-“Emma, you didn’t have to do that”

-“I wanted to, now get dressed and meet me in the living room”

She was just as surprised when she walked into the living room. I passed her the medications and she took them.

-“Thank you for doing all these things for me” I rubbed her hand and pulled her to lie down. Her head was on my lap and I was playing with her hair. Every time she coughed or sneezed she covered her nose and mouth with a tissue. She fell asleep on my lap and

I texted my mum that I would be sleeping over at a friend’s house.

I let her sleep for a few hours and then I woke her up, she ate and took her medication before going to her bed to sleep again.

I slept on the couch.