Ruin Me

34. Reveal me

Mitch left just after breakfast that day and Sawyer at midday and I was completely alone. Well except for my dad.

Most of the teachers filtered out the school during the day along with nearly all the Kings Bridge boys until it was just my dad, a freshman, two sophomores, a junior, two seniors and me that remained.

The corridors had an eery silence as did the dining hall and common room especially, which seemed wrong to be in without it being packed full of teenage bodies challenging each other to pool tournaments or watching films. I felt a strange sense of loss towards all the boys and the liveliness they brought to Kings Bridge. In the absence of their noise, manic movements and wild nature it felt like an entirely different place as if just by the lack of their presence all the colour had been drained out of the walls and light sucked from the chandeliers.

"Quiet huh?" Dad commented when I went to his apartment for dinner that evening, way to point out to obvious. His comment only made the silence become even more pronounced.

"Is it always like this?" I'd discovered he always stayed for the holidays when some students couldn't go home because he'd never had a family to go home to before.

"This is more busy than normal," he admitted, "usually only one or two boys stay, six is an improvement."

I wouldn't quite say improvement.

"What about when there is no one here, like in summer?" I questioned realising I didn't know where he lived when he wasn't at Kings Bridge, did he have a house? Where did he go in the summer? What was his life like outside these walls? I didn't know any other aspect of his world apart from this small section I'd been unwillingly thrust into and I was regretful of my lack of knowledge.

"I own a holiday home by the coast," dads whole face lit up, "summer is the only time I get any time off really. So I just go there each summer and sometimes at Christmas too. I can't wait to take you, I think you'll really love it there."

I smiled at how excited he was though the idea of spending the whole summer with just him made my stomach knot with dread. I liked that he wanted to share his life with me but there were so many layers of answerless questions that were preventing me from buying into it.

"Can't wait to see it," I give him a smile I hope he couldn't see was fake.

"Maybe we can even go there for Christmas," he smiled hopefully, "have you ever had Christmas by the beach?"

"No," I reply avoiding the truth that I've only ever had Christmas in a crappy hotel room eating Christmas dinner that tastes like plastic. The only Christmas I know contains a casino, a bunch of middle age drunk men and gravy with lumps in. He doesn't need to know that though.

"It will be so much fun I promise."

I stab my fork into the over cooked pasta he's made and try to think of a way to overcome the awkwardness.

Now it's just the two of us that remain here it feels like we've been pressed closer together in a confined space and the layers of friction between us have become more and more pronounced. I can feel them shift and dig harshly into my skin every time we speak.

"What did you usually do for Christmas?" He asks and I feel my heart squeeze.

I spent Christmas when I was younger sitting by the front door waiting for a card from him to come through it or I spent it hunting under the great Christmas tree in the hotel lobby looking for a present from him but finding only empty cardboard boxes. More recently I spent Christmas curled up next to mom on a bed ordering room service and watching all the Christmas films we could find on TV.