Smoke Rings (bXb)[complete]

Never

Noahs POV:
He was sitting there just waiting for something to happen. There was no other way. My answer was clear, I liked Troye. And I wanted nothing more but to kiss him at this very moment. So I did. This time not hesitant. It was more of a small peck because he moved back looking embarrassed.
"What's wrong? Should I not have done that? I'm sorry." For the very first time I felt insecure about kissing somebody.
"No, it's not that. But....are you sure this is what you are? Is this what you want?"
"Yes" I gave him a look of appreciation for asking
His lips slowly marked a smile.
"But.......why me?"
"I don't know. I don't choose"
"Yeah, I know"
"Why? Did you not enjoy it?" I shouldn't have.
"I'm not saying that but......how do I know this isn't just a prank? Or your recording right now to embarrass me?"
"You really think I'd do that?" I raised an eyebrow. Even though we both knew I would've. But not to Roy. Roy was different. His anxiety and trust issues have always been clear. I wonder what happened.
"Well......you are Nolan Cole Gray"
"You know my middle name?"
"Its in your bio" he looked away
"You looked at my instagram?"
He looked really embarrassed. His checks flushed a shade of red and he would make no effort to look at me.
"No?"
"That sound more like a question.......and a lie"
"I'm sorry"
"Don't be sorry, Roy. I can't promise I didn't look through yours"
"Roy?" He asked surprised that I had a nickname up my sleeve.
"Yeah. Roy." I answered confidently. Then I realized what was happining, it was as if a wave of guilt and disgust ran through me. What the fuck did I just do? I can't like Troye Lindmann. He was a nobody and I was the popular jock every girl dreamed of. And I knew I wasn't ready for anything serious yet. I wasn't ready for anything, much less serious.
"Can we not talk about this? You gotta go" I said.
He looked at me confused and disappointed.
"what? what did I do?"
"just go" I said again.
He opened the door and disappeared from my room.

Why do I do that to him everytime? I need to stop. I can't just talk to him then leave. I can't. He can do much better. Who said I liked guys anyway? I like Troye, but not guys. I've never had this feeling before. I feel guilty as if I just did something illegal. What happens when my parents find out? I'm scared. I've never been scared. I either stay with him, or leave. And I chose to leave.

The next day
It was only Sunday which means no school. I got invited to another party Maya was throwing. It was always Maya who threw party's because her parents couldn't care less. I woke up to mum and dad arguing, still about me. This time about what I said to mom. I went to Emily's room.
"Emily."
"Go away" she said, I looked a little closer. She was laying on her bed. I can hear her crying.
"Oh my god, what's wrong?"
"I said go away" she said through sobs.
I went to sit behind her.
"Do you wanna talk about it"
she stayed quiet. For a bit.
"Maybe"
"Okay, what happened?" I said in the softest voice possible.
"Mum said, when her and dad get a divorce.....your going with dad and I'm staying here. Is that true?"
"I don't know, but. Mom has legal say until I'm 18. Unless, I prove that dad is somehow dangerous or untrustworthy. Which dad, isnt"
"But he's rude! And too strict. The only reason we get to leave the house is because he's too busy with arguing with mom and working."
"I know, but that's not enough"
"I know. I'm not 12"
"Do you wanna....hang out today? We never hang out together. Like alone"
"Sure. Where to?"
"Your pick" I said knowing she wanted to hear that.