You Adore Me

•Small Talk And An Exit (Go Away Rebecca)•

I threw myself down into the seat opposite to him, his eyes refusing to move away from me. His wine glass was resting in his hand, locked in a firm grip as he stared at me. He was drunk, but the way he acted made me feel like he was still sober. I let out a sigh, looking away from him, allowing the awkward silence to bathe the pair of us. He cocked his head to the side again, as if he was an inquisitive puppy, setting his glass down on the expensive table.

"What is the real reason why you want to work here? Not many do, you do know that, right? I do know that you were lying to me- even you know that you were lying to me. I don't appreciate you doing that." He said in a cold tone. I shuddered, folding my arms. He was acting like he was my mother, and I didn't need another version of her in my life.

"I don't want to share that information with you, Thaddeus. It's private and I'm not comfortable telling you." I said simply, my voice reduced to almost a whisper. I sounded as though I had a frog in my throat, my words had well and truly burnt my throat as they had risen from my vocal chords. I bit my lip as it began to tremble uncontrollably- I wanted to go home. "I want to go home now, Thaddeus. I'm tired." I said, standing up. His pale hand shot across the table, grabbing hold of mine, I looked down. A tear dropped from my eye, landing with an audible splat on the floor beneath me. I sniffled, hoping that he would let me go. I didn't like that he had already seen me cry like this; I only cried alone in my bedroom.

"What are you crying for?" He asked quietly, encouraging me to sit down. His touch was gentle, as if he was trying his hardest to comfort me. I refused to look at him, looking at my tears landing like tiny missiles against the marble. "Jacob?" He asked again, using his finger to lift my chin up. His eyes were kind, yet the rest of his face was harsh. He was frowning at me, trying his hardest to read me as if I were a new teen novel. My bottom lip continued to tremble, as he implored me to talk to him.

"I-I don't want to talk about it." I said, managing to break free from his grasp. I hurried away from him, heading back to the front desk. Tallulah agreed that I had better go home- I was probably just tired, which was why I had started sobbing. He handed me my coat, wishing me a safe journey home. I nodded quickly, refusing to look up at the staircase.

I knew that he was standing there, I knew that he was watching me.
                     ~>•<~

As usual, my family was sitting in the lounge, surrounding the television as though they were holding the thing hostage. I was still crying so I wanted to go upstairs to my room to be alone. "Jacob!" I heard one of them call. I frowned, my lip quivering, I hung my coat up. Skulking to the lounge, standing in the archway, looking distraught.

"What's wrong with you?" My sister's husband asked, I scoffed, rubbing my eyes. For the first time in a while my sister looked concerned. She hit him, frowning herself. She was probably confused as to why her brother was being so emotional.

"Why are you crying Jacob? What happened?" She asked, I shook my head, making my way from the lounge. As I ran up the stairs, I didn't really care for the fact that her child was probably in bed. I ran as fast as I could, barricading myself into my room. I slid my chest of drawers in front of the door, sinking to the floor with my head in my hands. Thinking about my unhappiness always managed to make me like this- unreachable and incredibly inconsolable. I would've preferred to be alone, so I could look at my body and cry over how ugly it was.

I hadn't noticed that she was standing outside my door, tapping on it softly as to not wake her child. I didn't want her in my room, I just wanted to be alone. I was already beginning to regret working at the Westward, thinking of what I would say in my letter of resignation. "Moving on to better things?"- No. That wouldn't cut it. Thaddeus would tear up the place if I decided to quit, I could already tell that he was enjoying having me around the place. The concept of controlling me was becoming more and more appealing to him. I didn't want to give him that pleasure, nobody deserved that pleasure.  "Jacob?" She whisper-shouted, tapping the door again.

"Please leave me alone. I just want to be alone." I begged feebly, wiping my eyes with the back of my hands. My head was between my legs, my mind spurting out negative thoughts like a broken ATM. "I just want to think through things on my own, just go, please." I begged, listening to her sigh audibly outside my door.

"Jacob, you can't just cry away your problems. I'm your sister, you should be able to tell me anything." She said exasperatedly, I shook my head. She never usually cared about me, especially in front of our mother and her mechanical husband. I supposed that it was seeing me so distraught over something that flicked the sibling-switch on.

"Yes I can Rebecca, since when did you start caring about me? You've never done before now. You wouldn't know if I had different hair colours one week to the next! Go away, leave me alone." I pleaded, getting more and more hysterical, wanting her to give in and finish watching her dumb television programme. I heard her sigh again, and the sound of her sitting on the ground outside my door. Today, of all days, she decided that she wanted to acknowledge my existence.

"What has made you cry Jacob, I'm your sister, I should know- so that I can try and help you fix your feelings." She said through her teeth, fingers drumming against the wooden floor; I could hear her nails colliding with the wood.

I scoffed, wiping my eyes, laughing in awe. "Do you really want to know why I cry myself to sleep at night, Rebecca? Would that help you sleep?" I asked sarcastically.

My question was met by a prolonged, bitter silence.
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Song Of The Chapter- Something Is Squeezing My Skull by Morrissey

A.N
Lately I'm so tired that it gets tedious for me to to do anything at all. I'm hoping that Thursday goes well and that Friday goes even better <3 I'm excited for September and the next two years of my life!!!!!

Don't forget to comment and vote because it really helps me out <3