You Adore Me

•'There Are All Kinds Of Love In This World, But Never The Same Love Twice'•

It must've been months since I had last seen my love, but I couldn't pluck up the courage to talk to him. I didn't want to have to hear what he was going to say, I didn't want to hear anymore excuses. But I loved him. I loved him more than anybody on this earth, yet I couldn't look at him. I wouldn't be able to look him in the eyes without bashing him in his beautiful face. I sat there, my hands covering my mouth, as I sat on the edge of my bed. My heels sat by the door, my dress hung up on my wardrobe. Every single night, I went to that hotel, hoping to see my precious boy in all of his wonder. I wanted to see him sat up in that booth, boys on his arms, forgetting about me. He was never there, only an empty booth, as I stood at the bar with the a cocktail in hand.

I had to go to him. There was something wrong if he wasn't there to oversee his own parties. I punched my bed angrily, having previously told myself that I would never step foot in that hotel before. However, there was something that I owed him. He had allowed me to explore and flaunt my true self. He had coaxed my real persona out of the dark recesses of my mind, embracing it with every inch of his love.
My manicured hand tapped against the wood of my bedside table, I bit my bottom lip.

Standing up with a sigh, I stretched my arms, dropping them by my side. My hair was shoulder length, I had dyed it a rose colour. To myself, I looked one million times better, and I was finally happy with my body. I stopped looking at myself, taking off my baggy pyjamas. I pulled on my favourite pair of lace underwear, taking my dress down from its hanger. It fit me like a glove; it was the one that Thaddeus had bought for me. He truly knew me more than anybody, but that didn't give him any excuses for climbing on top of another boy to drink his blood- of all things. I fluffed up my hair, before dragging eyeliner across my eyes. In my personal opinion, I looked irresistible - which was all that I needed to boost my confidence. I would confront him, and I would demand to know everything.

Standing by my bedroom door, I pulled on my gloves slowly, taking care to regulate my manic breathing.
~>•<~

I refused to allow nerves to set in, as I pushed the revolving doors to enter the hotel. The beautiful chandelier never failed to wow me, and the hum of music from the ballroom filled my ears. Tonight, however, wasn't for partying. It was for confronting Thaddeus in whatever state he was in. Talulah was on the front desk, reading a book, taking no notice of me. I supposed that he had no idea who I was, and rightly so. I had changed a lot from the frail, timid little boy that I used to be. Anything would make me cry- quite honestly, I was beyond pathetic.

My heels clicked against the marble floor of the lobby, as I headed towards the lift. My gloved hand gently pressed the button, my hand on my hip as I waited for the doors to open. Two guests exited, looking back at me, I smiled raising my eyebrow, head cocked to the side. Those boys would be in for a shock, I said to myself, giggling as I pressed the close button.
The button that led to Thaddeus's suite seemed untouched, the number still shiny and readable. I held onto the gold bar, as the lift hurtled upwards, my mind wanting to revert back to its timid ways. I shook my head, remaining calm. I loved the new me, the me that had to be broken in order to find their true confidence. That was something that I could thank my beloved Thaddeus for - even if I did still hate him for even touching another boy.

Nerves were absent as the lift stopped, the cutesy noise sounding, the doors opening. The corridor seemed the same, bar the smell of cheap beer. I let out a disappointed sigh, expecting to find him dead in that suite. I walked confidently towards his door, noticing that some of the pictures on the walls had been ripped from their spots, broken glass crunching beneath my feet. I heard music coming from inside, the door ajar.
The warm light from inside the room engulfed me, revealing the mess of the room inside. He was listening to music, the same song on repeat over and over and over again. I sighed, walking around trying to find him.