j* Movie Reviews 2019

Pokemon: Detective Pikachu (2019)

You know how some films manage to turn non-fans into fans? Well this isn't one of them.

Remember the great Pokemon Go craze of 2016? You should, you should remember it like a great flood. That time people were endlessly out walking the streets trying to "catch them all" in their phones? Lurking at churches to do fighting things? I remember it. I remember chatting to people while we walked and they did it, which felt a bit like walking a dog cause you kept having to stop, a lot, while they sniffed or lifted a leg on some pokemon or other. And it's all cool, I mean everyone's got a hobby and I've recently got a bit into block games. But I wouldn't make a movie about it. And if I did, you probably wouldn't like it.

But this film is like being forced to hold the smartphone during 2016 when you're not even interested. The plot is sketchy, at the very best. There's just bloody pokemon everywhere... and sure, if you're a fan of whatever one, maybe that's exciting to see. But I'm not. So I was just "oh look, a weird mime one" and "huh, who knew there was one that looks like a sexualised telekinetic kangaroo" and "that massive tongue doesn't really look evolutionarily sound..." And it was so boring. I never did care about the story, and I cared even less about all the endless pokemon. I do hope some people watched it in cinemas through their smart phones to screencap them all.

I didn't learn much about Pokeballs, which I was surprised to find hardly featured. And I expected more battling, from what I knew of the concept. But this is some completely dull amateur-hour detective story. Sure, maybe the title should have given that away. But I certainly expected more suspense.

I had to work hard to make it through. Which made me realise how great a job some films do at bringing non-fans into the fold. I've never played the game but I love Resident Evil and Lara Croft. I've never read a comic but love Deadpool and TankGirl. I never cared for Paddington as a kid, but cry actual tears in Paddington 2.

This one? Well I never cared for Pokemon and now I care for them a lot less. I say definitely don't attempt this unless you're a deep fan.

J* gives it 2 stars.

(One star for Ryan Reynolds voice and one star for excellent work in the face of great cinematic adversity by Suki Waterhouse.)