Behind The Church

XXI

Christina

"Bye, Mommy! I love you!" Zoey pouts as she says goodbye to Kate. It has been hard on all of us. It's been two weeks and it turns out we have to quarantine for another three.

Zoey leaves to go play with Ruth somewhere. Lord knows they both need cheering up.

"I miss you, Tina." Kate confesses.

"I miss you, too. It's been hard without you."

"I know. I'm struggling, as well. Mammy wanted to know how you guys were holding up. I'll be sure to fill her in."

"Yeah. Is she okay?"

"She's fine. She doesn't like how quiet the house is since you guys left. No loud ass little girls running around and causing havoc." Kate jokes.

"But they're our loud asses and mischievous babies. I wouldn't trade them for the world." I smile.

"Totally."

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"What if... You moved in with us?"

There's a pause. I don't know if it's a good pause or bad pause, but it was a pause. She takes a breath.

"Tina, I don't know if that's a good idea."

"What? Why?"

"The more people you have in a house, the risk of catching the virus increases. I want to keep you all safe."

"Kate, I'd rather get sick than not have you in my life. I need you. We need you." I argue.

"Yes, but Christina, we can't do that. A:  it's dangerous. B: I'm still not over what my Dad said to me two years ago. C: I don't think I'm ready to leave home yet. And D: our entire fan base doesn't know that we're a couple. Can you imagine how that will go down?"

"Okay." I sigh.

"I'm sorry, but it's the better option that we live apart. You know I love you. And the girls. It's just-"

I hang up the phone. She's not moving in because of our fans? That's... I don't even know. I get a text from her:

Hey, I lost you.

I turn my phone off and decide to watch some TV. I put on Star Wars: Phantom of The Menace. I've always liked Star Wars, it's so cool and I love the design of lightsabers. I want to buy one of those Neopixle sabers. They're so awesome.

Watching the films I like calm my million mile an hour mind, it just slows it down drastically and I can relax. So I'm able to stop feeling the hurt, the pain and sadness of my life.

Sometimes my mind slows down enough that I fall asleep. Which I can feel happening as Darth Maul is fighting with Obi-Wan Kenobi.

My eyes close and I let sleep take me.

"Please let go!" she cries as she struggles to free herself to get from his grasp.

"No! Christina, get over here." he ordered the little girl, standing in the corner, frightened as ever. It's like I'm watching a memory, but from a different view. It's like the older me is watching the younger me.

She blindly followed his command, approaching him and my crying friend.

"Remember what I told you to do? Yeah?" he asks, his eyes wide like a crazed man. I don't think it's a comparison anymore.

She shakes her head no. He swears and hits her.

"No!" I shout and go to grab the girl and shield her from him. But it's no use. My hand goes straight through the child's arm, and my shout falls on deaf ears.

"You're gonna fuck her. With your fingers. Now do you remember? Just like you did with that little bitch of a sister you have."

My friend looked at the smaller me, terrified.

"And if you don't. I'll kill her." he threatens.

"Okay." her small voice sounded. Only because she knows he will.

"No. Don't do it, Cubby!" I scream. But my voice just echos into the abyss.

My Dad strips Kate as she struggles. She's only seven. I do my best to comfort her. Even though there's no purpose, really. She can't hear, or see me.

The young Christina steps up to her friend, both trembling with fear and shame.

Suddenly, Kate's eyes found my own. Then the scene disappears, morphing into a dark space.

"Why did you do it?!" the present Kate screams at me.

"I didn't want you to-"

"I can't believe you. You're such a bitch! I hate you! You hurt me!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't want him to kill you. I'm sorry!" I plead.

"I hate you. I can't believe I was dumb enough to stay with you. You're too attached. Too needy. I've let this go on for far too long. I'm breaking up with you. I want nothing to do with you. And I'm taking the kids. They shouldn't be around you. You're fucked up." she spits. She turns around and leaves, I see my daughters appear and they take her hands, walking off together somewhere away from me.

I run to catch up with them. But the more I run, the further away they get.

"Please! Come back." I beg over and over as I run.

I fall, and then they disappear, forever.

I'm woken with start to a quiet house. The TV is turned off and it smells like something is cooking. I sit up on the couch and peer over to the kitchen. I see a familiar brunette moving around as she cooks.

"Marley?" I question. She turned around and even though she has a mask on, I could see her smile.

"Hey, I had a call to say that you were probably not doing so good. I came over and you were asleep on the couch and Esther is outside with the kids." she explains.

"Let me guess. Kate?" I sigh.

"Yeah. She said that her phone had dropped your call and she couldn't get through to you. She asked me to try and I couldn't. I said that I'd come up and check on you and you were having dreams. I didn't want to wake you up because... You know."

"So I could finish the dream and not have it stuck in my head. Was I talking?"

"Yeah, and shaking. I have a fairly good idea which dream it was."

"It wasn't fun. That's for sure. What're you making?"

"Spaghetti. I think." she shrugs.

"You don't know?" I laugh.

"No, because Esther was the one who made it and she told me to keep an eye on it whole she went to go check on the kids."

"I see. Well, thank you for checking up on us but you two can go now. It's not safe." I say, almost mocking Kate.

"Yeah, well. I don't think you're okay, and neither does Esther."

"No, I'm not okay. But is it too much to ask for some space?" I snap.

Marley's eyes flash with hurt, but she hides it quickly as she clears her throat.

"Okay, I will go and get Esther. Bye, Tina. And I know you didn't mean to snap at me." she huffs.

She walks out of the back door and I'm assuming she sends the girls in, because they come sprinting in.

I hear their car door shut and they pull out of the driveway, away from me.

My phone rings again, it's Kate. I decline and go to check on dinner.

It's gonna be a tough lockdown, for sure.