Behind The Church

XXXIII

Christina

Black. That's all I see, that's all I feel.

The room is cold, or maybe it's just me. Something warm lies in my left hand, another's hand? I feel cold metal around a finger.

I hear the desparate sobs of the person the hand belongs to. Only a few words come through they're echoed and distorted.

"Please... Back." the voice mumbled.

"Tina!" a little voice shouted with glee. Suddenly, I'm in a field with short and luscious green grass.

"Obe!" I crouch to allow the boy to rush into my arms.

"What are you doing here?" my brother asked.

"I don't know. I don't remember." I answer, honestly.

"It's normal to feel like that. It'll come back to you eventually." he advises.

"Wow, you're so wise."

"You learn a lot when you're dead." he shrugged. I set the boy down and sit on the grass. The sun is in the position to set, slowly climbing it's way down the blue sky.

"So, I'm dead?" I ask Obediah.

"I don't think so. Not yet at least."

"Yet? As in, I'm dying?"

"Yeah. You're in the hospital, I believe. At least, that's what they're telling me."

"Who's they?"

"The smarter dead people." Obediah stated with an affirming nod, as if this is a totally normal occurrence.

"This is weird."

"It is. I thought I wouldn't be seeing you again for like, a hundred years!" the boy giggles. There's the little brother I remember. Always exaggerating things.

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

"Was it hard after I died?"

"Extremely. I started going to therapy after I got better because Dad had shot me too. It was difficult. I struggled a lot with suicidal thoughts and self-harm. And after a while, I was able to be happier. I got my own house with the kids, Kate moved in and then the rest of the band because there's a pandemic going around. Then something just happened, all that progress was undone." I explain to my brother.

"What happened?"

"Adrianna's girlfriend brought up the nicknames we all used to have. She kept pushing and prying and Esther snapped at her. All the memories came back and I spiraled until I couldn't take it anymore. I overdosed on an assortment of medications and cut my wrist open, hoping that'd do the trick."

"I'm sorry, Christina." the boy hung his head low.

"It's not your fault, Obe. You aren't around anymore, you couldn't have done anything."

"I know. I like it when you visit my grave. No one else but Esther does. She's there right now, actually. I know Mama moved to Wales and that she's struggling. Eleanor disappeared off of the face of the Earth."

"You don't know where she is?"

"Well, I do. She moved away to another state. But she left for a reason. She was struggling in LA."

"I don't blame her, but she could've responded to my texts and calls."

"Her old phone was stolen so she had to get a new one."

"Makes sense. I've been texting some random stranger then."

"Pretty much." Obediah chuckled.

"Do you miss us?"