Behind The Church

LX

Kate

"So, what's happened?" I ask her.

"What do you mean?" she looks up from the dog.

"What's happened with your parents? How come you wanna stay here?"

She took a breath before saying anything, "Eden and Adrianna broke up."

"Come again?" I choke out.

"Eden and Adrianna broke up. I found out a few days ago. I thought it was because of me, because I spent so much time with Adrianna and that she thought it was weird but the truth is way worse."

"What happened?" I reached out and took her hand.

"She was hitting her." Sarah sobbed.

"Who? Who was hitting who?" I leaned forward.

"Eden hit Adrianna. And sexually assaulted her, or rape. I don't know what to call it."

"How... How long has this been happening?"

"Eden started hitting Adrianna about a year ago, after we moved out of your place. I never saw it because she'd never hit her while I was around. But I saw the bruises, I thought they were hickies or something." she cried even more.

"Okay. That's uh, that's some serious shit. Where Adrianna now?"

"She's staying with Audrey."

I nod. I feel... A lot. I feel angry, at myself and at Eden. I didn't check in enough and I didn't even notice. And I know that Eden knows that Adrianna's family has been through shit. Especially with abuse and rape. So why, why the fuck did she turn around and hit Adrianna?

"And Adrianna said that Eden called her a pedophile because Adrianna would hang out with me more to stop the abuse for a while. And for what she did to Christina and Olivia. She said she'd call the cops if I were to go with Adrianna, to me and to her, so I came here. I didn't feel safe. At any moment, she could've turned around and started to hit me. I had to leave and I knew that I was safe here."

"Yes, of course you are. You're always safe here. And we're here for you." I tell her, awkwardly hugging her over the dog.

"Thank you. I'm just worried about Adrianna."

"I'll have a chat with Christina and we'll see if we can smuggle Adrianna over here."

"But Christina might get angry."

"She'll get... Upset. Not angry, necessarily. She'll go over to Eden's and give her a good talking to, but that's it."

Then the front door opened and Christina came in, hauling a massive bag of dog food and a bag full of other dog stuff. She put the stuff in the kitchen and sat down next to me.

"Aw, look at her." she smiled at the dog. Then she looked up at me then she looked at Sarah and her smile dropped.

"What's the matter?"

We relay the story to Christina. She gets more tense and upset as we continue. Once we're finished, she stands up, heads to the front door, puts her shoes back on and she's gone again.

"She'll be fine." I shrug.

Christina

What. The actual. Fuck.

Who does she think she is, hitting and assaulting my sister? Touching her in ways that she didn't want to be touched. I'm literally shaking as I drive to Eden's house.

I literally swerve into the driveway, almost hitting her car but I don't. I march up to the front door and bang on it.

The door creeks open and a teary eyed Eden answered. Here we go.

"Christina! Where's Adrianna and Sarah? I haven't seen Adrianna in days and Sarah left yesterday. I've been so so worried. I've been calling and texting Sarah but she's blocked me and-"

"Cut the shit."

"What? Christina, I'm worried. Adrianna broke up with me out of nowhere and left the same day."

"You know what we've all been through. You know what Adrianna had to do to us. So, please tell me, why the fuck you thought it was okay to do that to her?" I grit.

"I don't know what you're on about." she looked bewildered, but not the genuine kind. I push passed her and find my way into the house. I knew that there would be some sort of evidence, like a hole in the wall or some damage somewhere.

And I found it.

"You have no idea, huh?" I ask, pointing to a big dent in the wall, about the size of Adrianna, and some blood splatters.

"That's not-" she said but...

My eye caught something sticking out of a drawer and her gaze followed mine. A photo. I walked over to it and slid it out. And I looked at it.

There was Adrianna, tied up on a bed, bleeding and bruised. She's naked and there's... A toy in her... She's crying and fearful. Eden's hand is on her leg and squeezing it.

"Why did you lie?" I turn my gaze away from the photo to Eden.

"What do you mean?"

"You said you don't know why she broke up with you. This has to be obvious. How could you not know? After abusing and essentially raping her for a year. Causing her pain. And then hurt her more for staying close to Sarah, the person who made her feel safe. When didn't you stop and think that what you were doing to her may have been the problem?"

"Because I love her and I thought she loved me and-"

"You don't abuse the people you love. And she did love you, until you started doing this to her. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I just want her back." she sobbed. I shoved her backwards.

"You've lost any hope at seeing her again. And Sarah knows what you've done."

That was when she collapsed to the floor and broke down. She just sobbed and sobbed and something was telling me to stomp on her head, to shut her up because she was loud and annoying. But I ignored it. I crouched down next to her and fought off all the violent thoughts. Something to bring up with the therapist later, I note.

"I suggest you turn yourself into the police or give my sister some compensation. And if you decide the latter, you see me first. You are not to be near her without myself present, you understand?"

"Okay." she sniffed. I stood up, kicked her so she fell on my way passed and slammed the front door as I left. I got into my car.

I can't go home to everyone like this. I need to take a breather. I need to go where I know I'm safe.

So I drive to the cemetery where my brother is buried. I visit his grave first. And I just let myself feel the loss of my childhood due to the abuse, and I feel the loss of my brother. I touch his headstone and head to the cellar behind the church. I drop down the ladder and find my favourite corner. Sure, it's a little dusty and smells a little strange, but this was one of my safe havens.

I cry.

I cry and I cry and I cry. While feeling the loss of my childhood and my brother, I feel my anger and sadness for Eden and Adrianna and Sarah. I hate Eden. I will protect Adrianna and Sarah from her from this point on.

And I'm surprised.

I've never felt this much emotion without want to end it all, but I don't want to die right now. I'm just letting myself feel what I need to feel. Letting it pass. Like a wave. Albeit a big one, but it will pass. This too shall pass.

There's a sense of comfort.

There's a presence here that's telling me that I am safe here. That I always have been. This makes me cry more. I know I'm alone so this is one place I can let everything out.

I grip at the dirt and the dust while I rock myself. My head shakes involuntarily and my eyes are blinking a lot. There's a lot of feeling sand emotions and thoughts floating around me.

My phone rings and that's all it takes to send me over the other edge, and I start screaming and hitting things. And hitting my head. I kick and kick and shake and rock and tremble and scream and cry. And this is what a meltdown is.