My Boss

25

It's Monday and I called in sick today. I don't want to see Alex, what happened last Friday was still fresh to me.

Claire called me yesterday and ask how was I doing, I still didn't get the chance to tell her the real deal about me and Alex. I mean what to tell, anyway? We're nothing, no label.

It's already 9 in the morning but I am still in my bed, even getting up is hard for me to do. I feel like every cell in my body is not working and I'm actually fine with that. I don't want to move at all. I pulled my cover above my head and tried to sleep again and that's when I heard my doorbell.

I rarely get visitors, I don't have that many friends to visit me, plus, it's Monday, and everybody's working.

Maybe it's my Dad? No, but he has a key, why would he use the doorbell?

I ignored it thinking maybe the person behind the door was lost, but the doorbell rang again.

Feeling annoyed, I groaned and forced myself to get up. I went to my bathroom first to get my robe, I was wearing just a tank top and underwear, and once I covered myself, I headed towards the door and silently cursed the person behind it.

As I was approaching the door, the doorbell rang for the third time.

Dammit!

"Can you just wait?" I yelled.

I pulled the doorknob thrashing, whoever it is, better to have a good reason for making me get up from my bed.

"Wh-..."

I was stunned to see the person in front of me and suddenly felt conscious of how I looked.

"A-Alex, what are you... what are you doing here?"

"I heard you were sick, are you okay?"

Alex didn't wait for me to let her in but walk inside my apartment like it was nothing.

"I brought you food, there's soup, salad, sandwich, some meat... Come here, let me see." Once she puts down the bag of food on my table, she walks towards me and felt my forehead and then my neck.

"Hmm, you seem warm. Have you eaten anything? I brought you medicine also, here..." 

The light touch of her skin to mine brought back again the familiar feeling every time we touched, I whisked away her hand almost immediately.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her ignoring the food and medicines.

"I heard you were sick."

"So?"

"Well, I got worried so... I brought all these." She pointed out the bags on my table which my eyes followed.

"You don't have to do that, I'm fine." 

"I know. I just... I want to see you."

Slowly, Alex crossed the gap between us. She reached for my hands and brought them to her chest while she searched for my eyes.

I felt my cheeks grow hot at the gesture, I did not expect it at all. After Friday, she didn't contact me nor send a text, she didn't push it which I was grateful for.

And obviously the visit today surprised me.

I couldn't help but gulp as my eyes followed her next move. My hands that were on her chest were now on her lips, kissing finger by finger.

I could feel my body screaming hot as my lower abdomen started to twist and tighten from the kisses.

I wondered if she could feel the severity of my beating heart as she leaned her head closer and whispered in my ear.

"I miss you." 

I shivered when I felt her hot breath in my ear, my whole body had goosebumps. My eyes automatically shut and even when she pulled herself and I could feel her eyes on me, I couldn't seem to open mine.

I know she was gonna kiss me as I felt her breath coming closer to my face and her hands that were holding mine were now on my waist, pulling me closer. I didn't move and she took it as a green light to finally close our distance.

It didn't take long for me to reciprocate the kiss. As I do so, Alex tried to stifle a moan but failed. My lips formed a smile in between kisses which Alex felt and she smiled as well.

I pulled myself a little bit from her with only our foreheads touching. I watched her chest breathe in and out, my hand running up her neck and finally wrapping them at the back of her head.

"Alex..." I said in a hoarse voice.

"Hmmmm...."

"I... I think, I think I'm falling for you."

My confession caused her to lift her face and meet my eyes. Her expression was unreadable, I couldn't tell if she was happy or excited or not. It was confusing looking at her like she was trying to find the right words to say. Doesn't she feel the same way?

Thinking of that made my heart ache. 

Alex averted her eyes and slowly, her hand fell on her side leaving my body. I suddenly felt empty. Her hand reaches up to mine and freed herself from it. Could it be more painful?

She grabbed her purse, walk towards the door, and left, she didn't even look back.

Confused, hurt, cheated, betrayed. All of these emotions and some other else enveloped my whole being. 

My eyes teared up and felt my knees weaken, I stepped backward for my couch to catch me as I couldn't find the strength to hold my weight.

As I sat, my tears poured from the pain.

What did I do? What the fuck did just happen?

I cried my heart out, the pain was unbearable.

My head hurts, my stomach is flipping, I feel nauseated. It was like a sharp knife slicing through my heart and into my bones. Like a bolt of lightning struck my whole body. How could this hurt so much? So much that I feel like vomiting.

Is this what it feels like to have your heart ripped out of your body? It was like my soul is leaving me behind.

The pain was so intense, so all-consuming that I no longer knew how to stop crying.

All along, I thought she feels something for me, that she cared about me.

I told her I love her and she left me.

I'm so stupid! Thinking that she will love me back!

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

What will I do now? How will I face her tomorrow in the office? Should I talk to her? Explain myself? But what will I tell her? That it was a mistake, I didn't mean to say it?

Fuck! Somebody just shoot me now!

My eyes diverted to the bags on my table.

She brought me food and medicine thinking I was sick, she told me she misses me. And before that, she even want to explain herself about what happened at Brian's party.

What the hell was that then?

With all these questions in my head drained the hell out of me. I put my feet up on the couch and lay my back.

"Alex..."

I was pulled back to sleep saying her name repeatedly.