My Boss

43

"Alex..."

She left my lips only just to trail the contour of my jaw down to my neck.

The wind passed blew us but I still felt hot with what she was doing.

My hands were now locked to the back of her neck preventing her from moving away. I moved my head upward giving her all the access to my neck.

She was kissing, licking, and sucking my skin all at the same time and all I can feel was getting insane with all the sensations it brought me.

"God! Alex..." I continue to moan her name.

She went back to my lips and kissed me hungrily, grabbing a handful of my hair, pulling them, causing me pain and pleasure at the same time.

"Cara..." She broke away for us to get some air. Our foreheads are touching each other, breathing each other's name.

"I'm falling for you too..."

She said it in a hoarse voice, almost whispering.

I think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds hearing those words coming out of her mouth. My eyes that were closed were now open wide looking at her piercing brown eyes.

Those exact words that I'd longed to hear from her since the moment I confessed my feelings for her are now out in the open.

"What did just you say?" I had to ask even though I knew what I heard. I had to be sure before I exploded with happiness.

I pulled away a little bit to meet her gaze as I wanted her to say it looking into my eyes.

"I said... I love you, Cara..."

The tears are brimming in my eyes, not because of pain but of happiness. 

Alex loves me!

Am I dreaming? Am I gonna wake up anytime soon and all these will be gone?

"Cara? Did you hear me?" Alex was holding my gaze, worries across her eyes.

"Are you... Are you messing with me? Because this is not c-"

I was interrupted when she smashed her lips against mine, shutting me up completely.

"I'm not." She said in between kisses.

"I love you, Cara. I always have." Her voice was full of sincerity and my little heart was beating so loud against my chest and if not because of the music blasting around us, I'm sure both of us could hear it.

Though I am still confused.

"But, why did you... Why did you tell me that you don't feel the same way?" My voice cracked remembering how she rejected me multiple times and all the pain it brought me, the sleepless nights, and how I almost cursed every waking moment of my life because of her.

"I just... It's, it's complicated, Cara."

"What is complicated, Alex? That what? You are not gay? That the society you're living in won't accept who you are? Our status in life? Tell me, what is complicated?" I suddenly felt my blood rushing through my head.

"You know, I never cared about what people think about me!" She exclaimed.

"Then what is it?"

Alex let go of me and sat on the sand looking out at the endless ocean in front of us. I did the same and sat beside her.

We both sat in silence. Even with the banging music behind us, I still found peace just staring and hearing the waves that were almost reaching our feet.

"I really fell for you, Cara." Alex spoke after a while.

"I don't know when it started or how it started. When we grew closer, I just felt like, I wanted to be with you all the time. Making you laugh or just stare at you from across the office. And God, I hate seeing you with Brian, he's like a brother to me but every time you're with him and he's making you laugh, I just want to twist his neck and end his life. That's how I feel about you." She stopped and looked at my side before continuing and smiled bitterly.

"You're so beautiful, Cara. You are so kind and so sweet, and I hate myself for hurting you like this. You don't deserve it, you don't deserve to be treated like how I treated you." She looked at the sea again, then bowed her head after a while.

I kept quiet and waited for her to continue.

"But I had to stop, I had to stop whatever it is I am feeling for you, it is the only way to protect you..." Her voice cracked indicating she was crying.

"Ohh, Alex..." Hearing her cry felt like my heart had broken into pieces. I could feel her pain even if I didn't understand where it was coming from, even if it confused me more.

That I'd rather be the one in pain than see her like this, in pain and vulnerable. I wanted to tell her that it was okay, that everything would be okay.

"I cannot let this continue, Cara. I am sorry that I led you on, that I let your feelings grow, I really am. And, you know, I even convinced myself that you were nothing to me, that whatever I was feeling for you was just fondness, or maybe just an infatuation. But God, seeing you every day in the office was torture. And when I come home, remembering the nights you spent in my bed, lying beside me, us laughing together, you, holding me till I fell asleep, kissing me, but... I can't, it's not fair to you..."

"Alex, what are you talking about?" My mind was like an endless puzzle hearing what she was saying.

She bowed her head again, sniffing. 

I wanted to ask her again, tell her to tell me what was going on but at the same time, I wanted her to process whatever she was going through, because clearly, she was having difficulties telling me what was bothering her.

Instead, I waited.

I put my hand on her back, caressing it gently as I pull myself closer to her.

"I'm here, Alex..." I whispered to her.

I was always here. My mind added.

Then she spoke, the words that made my whole being paralyzed at the moment.

"I am... I am sick, Cara. And I'm dying."