My Protector

Chapter 16: Secrets

Loren's POV

The soft pitter patter of rain drops hitting the slick windows woke me. Keeping my eyes closed, I wanted to return back to sleep.

However, my senses came to realize that a pair of bulky arms were wrapped around me. With a deep breath in, the only thing I smelt was Killian.

Alongside the rain sounds was a soft whistle as he breathed in and a few seconds later, breathed out. His breaths were prolonged and shallow, the whistle matching the rise and fall of his chest. I opened my eyes and was greeted with the most handsome sight. We were no longer in my room, but his.

Suddenly I remembered why I was in his bed. The memory of last night rushed to me as I realized that he had kept me wrapped in his arms the whole night.

I tried to move but the grip of his arms just tightened more. "Where do you think you're going" he mumbled with his eyes still closed. Was he awake this whole time?

We both laid in silence for a few more minutes as his thumb slowly rubbed up and down on my arm. I felt at peace knowing that I was safe overwhelmed me. Yet there was something else making me feel uneasy.

The more time I spent with Killian, the more I dreamt of Bryce; and the more I was reminded that I was in no state to be in another relationship.

Like Bryce would always tell me, I was useless. I wasn't worthy of his love; I wasn't even worthy of my own. And this is why I couldn't allow myself to be in a relationship. How could I love somebody when I couldn't even love myself? How could I allow somebody to love me, knowing that I wasn't capable of giving them the same, if not more amount of love back?

A tear formed in the corner of my right eye, falling before I could even wipe it away. The salty drop landed on Killian's arm, causing his breathing to pause. My eyes were closed yet I could feel his staring right at me. His grip loosened as he moved his thumb to my face, his thumb following the wet trail the tear had left.

I now opened my eyes and met his. His eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes were filled with worry. The deep emeralds glancing from one eye to another, trying to read my thoughts.

"You can talk to me" He finally whispered and a large knot formed in my stomach. It was almost like he was reading my mind.

No I cant. I thought to myself. I can't because I wasn't even sure of my own feelings. Part of me wanted him for forever.. but another part of me told me that I didn't deserve him. He didn't deserve me.

"About your ex, you can tell me about him. Something happened to make you cry like that last night and keeping it to yourself is not going to make you feel any better."

I facepalmed myself mentally realizing that he of course could not read my mind and was only asking about last night. Wait, how did he know I dreamt about my ex?

"How do you know it was about my ex?" I asked, looking up at his face again.

"You said his name last night while you were dreaming," He responded. Not a single muscle on his face tensed. He probably just figured that Bryce was my ex. Killian wasn't a stupid man anyways so I decided to drop it.

"I don't want to talk about it" I finally spoke as I closed my eyes.

"You can't bottle up your emotions or feelings. It's not good for you and you're just going to keep having dreams like this. Did he hurt you?" He pushed and I scoffed. Hurt was an understatement.