It Wasn't Love ✔️

Chapter 42

I started to go back to therapy, and after a while, I decided to go back to college. The day that the mini-essay was due. In all honesty, I had nothing. Nothing to say and nothing to present. I guess I'll have to make something up, but the idea doesn't seem appealing to me. Worst case scenario, I freeze and run off in tears.

"Aria!" I hear as soon as I enter the college gates. Then, Laura's arms are around me. She's squeezing the shit out of me. "I'm so glad you're back. I've missed you so much. Jacob told me about the break up. Are you okay?"

I nod my head. "Yeah, I'm fine." I'm not fine. "I'll get over it." I won't get over it.

Laura tuts, shaking her head. "I feel so bad for you." She says, leading me into the building. There's a small frown on her face, and I know she's also affected by the break up. Jacob is her best friend. It must sting.

"Do you have an essay ready?" I ask her, and she nods. I internally curse.

"Do you?"

"Nope. I was too busy being depressed." I answer. "I'll probably just make something on the spot."

"Well," Laura says, clapping me on the back. "It's time to embarrass the shit out of ourselves."

Yeah, I think. That's what I'm dreading .

By the time we got to the merged classroom, most people were already in the classroom. Jacob sat in the middle, smiling sweetly when he saw me. I smile back, tightening my grip on my backpack and walking all the way to the last seat. My usual seat.

The teacher walks in, introducing the class and choosing one person to come to the front and present their work. I take out a sheet of paper from my bag and try to come up with something to present. It took everything in me not to copy from the person speaking.

By the time it was my turn, I still had nothing to present, so I stood on shaky legs and somehow made it to the front of the classroom. 21 pairs of eyes. All on me. I clear my throat and open my folded, empty paper.

I hear a cough and when I look up, Jacob's eyes are boring into mine. He smiles and nods his head. I'm okay. I tell myself repeatedly. I'm okay. I'm okay.

"Erm..." I start. I look down to my sheet. This is bullshit. What am I doing? I'm about to read an essay that I haven't written about the correlation between luck and love? What even is love? Is it even real? Will I ever experience it? Do I even want to be in love? "They say that falling in love is easy." I start, refolding my paper and sliding it into the back pocket of my pants.

Jacob's head tilts to the side, his back straightening. I force my voice out.

"That once you find the right person, you can conquer anything. I thought that I had found my soulmate when he told me to sit with him in a cafe."

His eyes soften, a small smile on his face. "Most love stories start with someone getting their heart broken by the one they thought they loved until they meet the bad boy next door. My love story started over a cup of coffee and some fortune cookies. I still remember what my fortune cookie said- Luck will follow you forever. And maybe in some ways this came true, maybe I found my luck. But I know now that I didn't."

Jacob frowns, his eyebrows scrunching. "Luck is an erroneous word. It practically sets you up for failure. Many believe in luck as a way of blaming their problems on something that is non-existent. Luck is the phenomenon and belief that defines the experience of notably positive, negative, or improbable events." I take a breath, unfocusing my eyes so that I don't have to overthink the judgement on everyone's faces.

"But there's no such thing as belief. The belief we have in ourselves is only set in books. When we come back to reality, we are faced with problems, drawbacks and a mess that can never be fixed. I was asked what the first thing that comes to mind is when I think of love and its comparison to luck. I think it's bull. It's fiction, created from the minds of credulous people."

I turn to the teacher, smiling at her. "I hope that answers your question." The room is stunned into silence. Then, Laura starts to clap. Everyone joins in, confusion visible in the loud noise. My eyes stay fixated on the ground as I walk back to my seat.

The rest of the remaining students read out their essays next. I don't pay attention.

The class had ended and we were told that our grades were going to be emailed to us by the end of the week. I quickly pick up my bag, ready to run home and jump off of the roof.

"Aria." I hear and I turn around to see Jacob standing behind me. "Do you wanna talk?"

"About what?"

"I haven't seen you in a week. I just want to make sure you're okay." He says, leaning on the desk behind him. I stand next to him, crossing my arms over my chest. "Aiden said he saw you at therapy."

"Yeah... I've decided to have weekly check ups with Diane, again. You know, to make sure I don't... Get worse." I tell him. He nods his head, his shoulder grazing mine.

There's a silence between us before he says, "Do you really believe that? About love being bullshit?"

I blink, looking down to my feet instead of at his face. Jacob told me he loved me. Am I really going to tell him that I don't believe in it? "I think... I never knew because I never felt it for anyone."

"Look, love may be messy. It may be confusing, but it's unconditional. It's real." He says, turning to look at me. "Don't give up on it because you haven't been loved the way you deserve to."

Weirdly, this makes me chuckle a little. "You can be sweet at times, you know that?"

I spot a faint blush colour his cheeks. "I try."

Aria's outfit:

-H