It Wasn't Love ✔️

Chapter 51

I'm woken by the shrilling sound of my phone ringing. I stir in my sleep, feeling around for my phone. It was Laura. Groaning from lack of sleep, I answer the phone and press it to my ear. "Hello?" I mumble, rubbing my eyes with my spare hand.

"Aria, he's gone." Laura says, frantically, and I sit up in confusion.

"What do you mean? Who's gone?" I ask, running my hand through my hair. I can hear Laura's heavy breathing through the phone, and it worries me more and more.

"Jacob." She whispers, and her voice breaks. "He... he left town. His stuff is gone, he quit the football team and he's left." She cries. "All he left was a note to his parents."

"What?" I gasp, jumping out of bed. "He's gone? What- I don't..." I push my hair back, and put Laura on speaker. Quickly, I strip out of my pyjama's and jump into new clothes from my wardrobe.

"You need to get here, Aria. I don't know what to do." Laura says, and the distress is clear in her voice. "He didn't even speak to me, or tell me, and- I don't know, he's just gone." She says. JAcob told me he wanted to leave town. He told me that he couldn't stay here because of me. This is my fault. All of this is my fault, because my stupid brain won't let me have one good thing.

I feel tears in my eyes, and I wipe them away before hanging up on Laura and leaving my room.

***

I hurriedly knock on Laura's door, and she opens within a minute. She pulls me in and leads me up the stairs into the spare room I stayed in what feels like years ago. I'm looking out of the window, and my eyes widen at the sight of Jacob's rooms being bare. The pictures on his wall are gone, and his wardrobe has been emptied out and his desk is clear and oh my god I'm crying and my head is shaking and Jacob isn't here anymore. Every trace of him, he's erased. Every trace of him is gone.

For some moments in life, there are no words.

I shake my head and pull my phone out of my back pocket. I ring his number, hoping and begging that he answers. Instead, it goes to voicemail.

"Jacob." I say, deciding to leave a voicemail. "I don't know where you are, but can you please call me back? You don't need to leave town, okay? Everyone is worried. Just... tell us where you are, please. We're all worried." I say, and the beep I hear indicates that I can't say anymore.

I may have just spoken the last words I'll ever say to Jacob. I might never see him again. I might never see his beautiful face, or feel his electric touch ever again. I won't ever get the chance to love him as much as my heart can.

I feel Laura's hand on my back, and she gives me a side hug. I wrap my arms around her shoulders, and a tear slips out of my eyes. She wipes it away, smiling at me.

"I think we'll be okay, right?" She says, and I shake my head. Laura chuckles, her hands on my cheeks. "Yes, we will. We're both strong women, and we can get through this together."

"And, what about him?" I ask, through tears. "Will he be okay?" I ask, and Laura tilts her head at me, frowning slightly. She looks away for a second, and I see the tears form in her eyes.

"I don't know." Her voice breaks, and her hands are over her mouth as she shakes her head. "I don't know." She says, and tears are falling down her cheeks. "I just want him to come home, Aria." She cries.

"Me too." I whisper, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her towards me. She cries into my neck, and I bite my lip, forcing my tears to be at bay. It's my fault he's gone, and I don't deserve to cry over it. I wipe under my eyes, and Laura's body shakes as she cries. "I'm so sorry." I whisper to her, and Laura lifts her head, frowning at me.

"This isn't your fault, Aria." She says, but she doesn't know the whole truth. "He left on his own accord, okay?"

I shake my head. "I didn't just break up with him, Laura." I admit, and she tilts her head to the side, wiping away her tears. "I..." I close my eyes, shaking my head. How do I tell her that Jacob's behaviour recently is because of me?

"What?"

"I told I didn't love him. And that it wasn't real... to me." I say, and Laura's mouth is open in shock. She slowly moves to sit on the bed, and when she does, she's frozen. Her hand is over her mouth, and she's staring straight ahead. "So, yeah. It is my fault." I add. "And, if I could take it back, I would. I can't stand seeing you upset, or living without him by my side. I want him back in my arms."

I remember every word he told me, they're engraved in my mind for eternity. In the end, hurting a good person will hurt you more when you realise that not many genuine people exist. Jacob was one in eight billion. I lost that. And, maybe I'll let it hurt me until it doesn't hurt anymore, but I can't.

I ended things with Jacob for a reason. I hurt him for a reason. And, as selfish as it was, I needed to do it. I needed to hit rock bottom before I could crawl back up the hole. I needed to let go of the one thing keeping me alive and find real purpose. I had to truly live my life without having anything holding me back, and in a way, Jacob was holding me back. He made me think his love for me was enough, but it wasn't. It never will be.

I need to love myself. I need to know what it's like to truly have control of my mind and my heart and not feel the urge to hurt myself to feel something. I don't want to be numb anymore. I want to feel. Love. Hate. Anger. Sadness.

Everyday is a struggle for me to stay alive. But, in the end, I had more courage to stay alive than I ever did to kill myself.

I turn towards Jacob's empty room through the window, and a small, sad smile etches onto my face. I shakily place a hand over my heart. I felt it. Purpose. I'm alive for a reason, and I hope I don't forget that.

Aria's outfit:

Aaaaaaagggghhh! We're done!

I'm low-key sad but so happy because this book was dragging.

dw, tho. This is not the end of Jacob and Aria's story. Keep an eye out for an update lol.

icl, I absolutely hated the start of this book. I absolutely loathe it and I can't wait to go back and edit it in a few years time.

Anyways, see you in the next part for a final goodbye.

-H ⚫⚪⚫⚪