ADOMANIA || zhong chenle

chapter 63

his lips pressed against hers for just an instant, so short, that many wouldn't even have called it an actual kiss.

chenle immediately pulled back once he realised what he had done.

the look in her eyes was indifferent, emotionless. it looked as if she hadn't quite caught on with what had happened yet.

he himslef was panicking.

'this was a terrible idea.'

the truth was, that with all of the suggestive stuff regarding daiyu and him his friends had been joking around with, chenle had started questioning their friendship more than he should have.

he grew frustrated, not understanding what he was feeling for the girl.

there were times, where he was sure that his feelings were solely platonic. but as you noticed, there were also situations like the one he had just found himself in.

whenever he was too close to daiyu, or put too much thought into whatever their relationship could develop into, he'd be almost convinced that he liked her.

but the uncertainty was killing him.

he needed to know for sure what he really felt for her.

the problem was just, that daiyu made him do the dumbest of things.

whenever he was with her, chenle always ended up doing something stupid, which oftentimes also resulted in him hurting her, as well as himself.

there was only one positive thing that he got out of kissing her; certitude about his emotions.

but he didn't like that either.

becuase daiyu hadn't kissed him back, and that could only mean one thing — she didn't return any of the things he felt for her.

'it was only a small peck. and i haven't kissed anyone in a long time. it doesn't have to mean that i like her.'

chenle was just lying to himself now, and he was well aware of that.

but it had only been a few months since the last time he had gotten rejected (kind of?), and he didn't necessarily need that again.

so out of her dorm he ran, leaving her without any explanation.

chenle felt guilty, yeah. however, it wasn't like she would be upset or anything. that kiss hadn't meant anything to her, for sure.

'god, what am i going to do about this?'

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"you're so stupid. what on earth made you think that running away after kissing someone was a good idea?"

chenle sat in silence as jisung scolded him, as if he was the older one between the two.

it was true that he often was a bit more mature than his chinese friend. than most of his friends, actually.

"what if you're wrong? what if the kiss actually did matter to her? do you know how confused and hurt she'll feel?"

he still didn't say anything.

"chenle, i know you're mad and confused about this and all, but you should've thought about her feelings too. do you have no heart at all?"

"anything else?"

the fact that he knew exactly that jisung was right about every single thing he said was irritating him.

"oh, there's a lot. but i'll shut up for now. i know you're affected too."

how right he was.

chenle had arrived at his dorm in a pretty bad state; pale, with an empty stare.

after giving him a couple of minutes to come back to his senses, jisung made him talk.

and so he told him. he told him what had happened, and he told him every single thing that he was feeling and thinking, as well as how those feelings and thoughts were contradicting eachother.

jisung wasn't very happy to hear any of it, once again strongly disagreeing with his friend's actions.

he knew it was best to be honest with chenle, so he told him what he thought about it, sparing him some details.

they could talk those out some other time.

maybe not when chenle's thoughts were still in a messed up state.

what he didn't know, was that that night, when falling asleep, his friend made a decision that would make jisung a lot angrier than anything else he had done that day already.

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daiyu felt a strong sense of deja vu at being left behind by chenle.

it seemed to be his thing, to run off without explaining himself.

she was still in a state of shock.

the boy she liked had kissed her, and if she ever doubted her feelings before, she could confidentely say that she had fallen for the boy now.

and by confident, we mean that she doesn't have any doubts, not that she's proud of it.

a part of her had actually wanted to run after him.

daiyu should've stopped him, and forced him to talk it out with her.

she was so angry with him.

how could he kiss her then just run off?

it didn't make any sense to her.

she would never kiss anyone she didn't have feelings for.

there seemed to be no possible explanation for his actions.

ever since he had left, daiyu hadn't moved an inch.

in the very same position that he had kissed her in, she could still feel the touch of his arms around her waist. the kiss had left a stinging sensation on her lips, and she could still feel where his hand had grazed her cheek when brushing her hair out of her face.

but she couldn't take that sensation anymore. not when her heart broke remembering the expression on his face after.

'he definitely regretted it. he regrets kissing me.'

the worst thing was, that she could even cry at that moment.

daiyu knew that she shouldn't have gotten her hopes up in the first place, and she was definitely never going to act on her crush on chenle either.

but still, there had been that small flicker of hope in her, that thought of the possibility of him feeling something for her too.

just that now, she had the confirmation that that wasn't the case.

and that hurt her more than ten knives could.

'i need a shower.'

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we aren't there just yet sry😟

they really take stupidity to another level tho😭