The Mistress

XXXI

I know I did the right thing
But why does it feel like I just dug a pit and threw myself in it
The tears kept coming
I don't know why I feel so awful,, so selfish,, so insensitive, so foolish

Walking in these heels even makes me feel miserable
the look on his face when I said it was over... Was like a stab in the heart

Felix is a good man; he doesn't deserve the harsh treatment I just gave him...
How can I treat someone who has showered me with love and affection in such a cruel manner?

But what's important is that I ended this before we got in so deep
He is happily married
I reminded myself as I walk further in the dark

I swear if I knew he would be here with his wife... I wouldn't have showed up..... Maybe I won't be feeling so guilty

My feet was killing me and I don't even know which route to take so I just stayed by the roadside until a cab showed up

One thing is clear I don't want to return to that apartment...
I feel sick to my stomach, knowing I may not even have an apartment to return to

I looked through my phone
I really don't want to be alone right now
But I don't want to be someone that would talk me to death
And that's exactly what Stacy and Becca would do if I show up at that doorstep

So I dialed Irin, she works at a local bar and she's just my regular drinking buddy

She was at work so I told the cab man to take me there

In the cab I kept reminding myself
Of how perfect... Jessica looked in her gorgeous short gold laced dressed
She Carried her heels with grace too

And her long blonde curly hair was mind blowing
on that stage as she talked... About her award...
It painful to admit but I felt like a loser compared to her
I don't even have a pin to my name
I haven't even achieved a degree for myself

She was the lady of the night
everyone cheered and smiled at her
and I was just like an inanimate object sitting behind her torturing myself to death every second of the evening just because she is married to the man of my dreams

How can I compete with that
her big green eyes were like glitters in the dark
you just can't help but glare at her

And right next to her she had her perfect tall handsome husband
who smiled and grinned more tonight than all the times we spent together combined

She made him happy
He made me happy
The irony of my life
Is that he was never mine to begin with
But why does it feel like I just lost the valuable and priceless thing in my life

I wonder why am so unlucky
Six weeks... Just six weeks and I'm so smitten that I can't even think for myself
I know have always been an easy prey when it comes to this things
but I swear have never felt this way before

When we pulled over at Irin's bar, I paid the cabbie and strolled into the bar
It was a very small congested bar with gangsters roaming around

As I walked into the bar...
The men at the entrance was making remarks about my look but I ignored them

Am sure by now.... My mascara has washed down my face from crying
that's why I don't like wearing make-up
you look pretty with it and look like a dismembered witch when it ruined

Irin was behind the bar counter serving rounds to her customers
She was wearing a jean short and grey crop top... Her long black hair flying around

She was always pretty
I met her first at the modeling audition where I was fortunate to get my dream job.... She was also blacklisted that day too because she wouldn't sleep with the supervisor