The Mistress

XLVI

          Rihanna... Cry

The moment the car was out of sight and there was nothing to see from a distance
I stare into the foggy, dark night... It was so cold and quiet,
All I could hear was my even breathing and rustling of leaves

In my head..... There is an hurricane with heavy rain pour and thunderstorm and mind cracking lightening.... In my heart there's a fire outbreak with red hot rod passing through my fragile heart every time I took a deep breath

Tonight was supposed to be the best night of my life
Up until an hour ago.   I was the most happiest person on the planet but now I'm by far the most miserable

His words echo in my ear like it was on repeat
'I never liked you like that... It was just sex'

It has been five months two weeks and six days of lies... Continuous lies
He created a fantasy for me to live in, he made me feel so special.... He gave me everything that I ever wanted, he told me things he knew I was dying to hear....... He even called me his muse'
He preyed on my weakness, my emotions and sliced through my heart like a butcher......

How could I never see this coming.
I guess I use to imagine during the early days of the affair that when we wanted to say goodbye... And call it quit we'd sit and have a sensible discussion like two grown ups...

And then I totally blocked the idea from my head, I started imagining forever with a man that was never mine to begin with..... I wanted this last forever..... Maybe not forever but for a long time....

I have never felt this way about anyone in my entire life...
Relationship has always been too infectious for me... I have always been too quick to decline before I get into it

my first boyfriend had been a crazy weed addict that convinced me to run away with him when I was just sixteen, I was young and vulnerable and it felt like I can make a decision on my own but I was so wrong..... Zayn was a wacko who lived in a trailer and sells weeds to the depressed high school student
He was a mistake and I knew it but I wanted to try something new and I did... The first few days in a new city was an adventure.. We had matching tattoos and piercing.. He will just say let's do this and I'll blindly follow but
We didn't last a week after running away from home.... We ran out of food and cash in a few days and he started selling my stuff... My shoes, my earrings my personal stuff .... I couldn't take it anymore so I left
And decided I wasn't going to make anymore rash decisions over peer influence and of course.. My dad was there to receive me with open hands saying to my nana.. That it was the regular teenage hormonal disorder...

I had a few short dates before I met Logan in college.. Logan was a statistics student who also manage to have a very compelling  sugar coated mouth and also serious gambling problems
Logan and I had alot in common, we spent days together and never got bored
I was an orphan trying to figure out my life and he was junkhead from the system having moved from one foster home to another
We had alot of fun together...... And he was also a big time flirt but I wasn't bothered about it afterall he still comes back home to me every night
I saw his defaults but I choose to overlook them.... I didn't want to come out as a judgy or nosy girlfriend so I let things slide and in that process I became his fool, his mouthpiece.. I would vouch for him anywhere and most times he ended up getting me in trouble but I kept forgiving him until he played the fast one on me and I almost landed in jail....
Two hundred thousand from four people.... He lied to me and Got me in serious trouble
My excuse for that was probably, because I was naive... And I was played too... I had to abandon everything to get out of that mess and the most he did was send me a text to apologize....... But I couldnt say I was heartbroken then. I was just caught up in the moment and I learn the hardway
This is different