My second chance to love! [YiZhan FanFiction] ✔️

~32~ Childhood memories

~32~ Childhood memories

At the moment, when I hear into myself so deeply, I am happy. It's been a very long time since I've felt this kind of happiness. And I am sure that when the others, my friends and relatives, learn that I am finally no longer grieving but loving again, then they will be happy for me.

Now almost all of them. I probably better not tell my grandparents about this. I don't feel like having a new warning, before the punishment of God, because I got involved with a man. Even back then when I told them about Seo Joon, they told me I'd be punished by God for it.

My grandparents claim that homosexuality is a sin, a disease that needs to be treated. And it's best to be treated by a priest. And this comes from people who never learned to read or write in their lives. People who memorized their bible and pretend to read it every Sunday in the church.

But my grandparents were the worst when Seo Joon died. My grandmother, my father's mother, told me to be happy because now I could find a decent woman and raise a family with her. Have one or two sons, who will learn from an early age what hard work is.

If I told her now that I have again a man at my side, she would surely let me be kidnapped by her backward villagers and strap me on a table in the church and ask the priest to perform an exorcism on me. God, how I hate them. Neither my mother's parents nor my father's are normal.

I remember my grandparents on my mother's side threatening me that if I didn't leave Seo Joon and marry a woman, they would disinherit me. What is there to inherit from them? That tiny, dilapidated house? The fields? No, I don't want anything from them. I never did. I hated it every time we went to visit my grandparents in the country. We were always told we would just visit them, but then we were all knee-deep in dirt in the fields and had to work.

It didn't matter if I was only four, five or ten years old. I had to work in the field and I hurt myself more than once. And then I got scolded, too. My parents never said anything to defend me and I swore to myself that I would never become as submissive as they were.

And at the usual meals, we still had to pray two more times a day. For our salvation, as they said. I thought it was totally stupid at the time. Besides, I didn't believe in the God they loved so much.

At the latest when I had a traumatic experience as an eight year old child, prayed to God and he didn't listen to me, I gave up on the old guy who, in my opinion, didn't exist anyway. My aunt once said to me that God only helps those who help themselves or leave enough in the church's collection bag.

During my traumatic experience, I had to ask myself how the dog could have helped itself. This old scumbag from next door had several animals in his garden. Two dogs, twenty rabbits, chickens and ducks and even two sheep. I had visited him often and took care of his animals, I fed them, stroked them and cleaned them.

When I came home from school one day, I wanted to say hello to my neighbour's dogs as always and wondered why they were not outside the house this time and waiting for me. I went into the garden, I was allowed to do so at any time and looked around. I arrived just in time to watch him hang one of the two dogs upside down. Blood was pouring out of his throat, he fidgeted and his gaze was panicky.

Then I saw him walk towards the second dog and cut his throat with the sharp blade of his knife. The dog was screaming and whimpering. I screamed too, but I don't know who was louder, the poor dog or me? He also hung the second dog and only then I noticed that he had tied their snouts shut, probably so they wouldn't bite him. And then I also noticed that 16 of his 20 rabbits were also hanging upside down with their throats cut open.

I screamed and cried when I saw the animals. The old man just looked at me with a grin and told me that they were always just his food. A few neighbors who heard my screams also came running. Three older neighbors rubbed their ugly bellies and licked their mouths. I heard one say, "Apparently we're having a barbecued dog tonight." Some of the younger adult neighbors were screaming and yelling. But this grinning asshole didn't react at all and cut the head off one of his chickens. It ran headless across the yard.

Shaking all over, a neighbor held me in her arms until my parents came. They stood there in silence, looking at what the neighbor had done and not saying a word. My father pulled me into the house behind him and told me that he had only fed and cared for the animals so that he could eat them later. I felt sick and threw up three times. In the evening some of the neighbours had a barbecue together. The dogs, rabbits and a few chickens.

That evening I prayed to God and on every following day I prayed as well. Four times a day, sometimes five times. I wanted God to punish him. But God didn't listen to me and allowed this disgusting pig to get two new dogs only two weeks later. I was coming home from school when I saw the two little puppies. My neighbor had waved to me and asked me if I wanted to play with the puppies. Crying I ran home and from then on I took care not to look at any of his animals.

About a year later I saw my grandparents slaughtering one of their horses. After that I never wanted to go back to them. But unfortunately I had no choice. There was only one thing I could do, refuse the shitty food they fed me. In that case, Cheng, the brown horse.

I shook my head and tried to repress my memories of that time. It's funny how I can't stop remembering all this when it comes to my grandparents. Although they can hardly walk anymore and have severe pain in their backs from all the years of stooping work in the fields, they keep on working every day. They still slaughter, several times a year.

Yibo sat next to me and I told him my childhood memories. He said he was happy that his grandparents were such great and kind people. Unfortunately none of his grandparents are alive anymore, his last remaining grandmother died two years ago. At that time she was already 88 years old and seriously ill. She died in her sleep. Her heart just stopped. Before that, she had a bronchitis which weakened her very much. So one thing probably led to another.

This evening Hae Jin will come to visit us, he will bring someone with him. I know who, but I won't tell Yibo. I'm curious how he'll react.

In two days our work at my in-laws' company will start. Our office, which Yibo and I share, was finished today, as they told me. And then in two days my new job title will be Personal Assistant. I can't believe I agreed to this. With my university education, I might as well have been sitting next to Yibo. Well, let's see how our collaboration goes.