My second chance to love! [YiZhan FanFiction] ✔️

~40~ Like a hurricane

~40~ Like a hurricane

POV Yibo

I still remember my calm and steady life before Zhan conquered my heart. Like a hurricane, with its elemental force, the feelings for Zhan hit me. My heart was quiet in my chest for a long time, but then I saw a picture of Zhan and with a heavy tone in minor key, my heart announced what was coming next. From that day on, I was hopelessly lost to Zhan. And unfortunately I had to be patient.

Every day without Zhan feels as if giant waves were crashing over me. Our relationship, which has only lasted a short time, suddenly seems to be over. And I have nightmares every night. How could I let it come to this after waiting so long for him?

I know I deserve to be punished, but I don't know how much longer I can take it. How much longer do I have to wait until I can finally hold Zhan in my arms again. How much longer, do I have the strength to wait? Why was I stupid enough to let this happen in the first place? Why did I let myself get distracted from the most important thing in my life, and all because of a little girl?

Do I perhaps have a greater wish to be a father than I thought? Because ever since little Jin Mi was here, I felt like Zhan and I were a family. We are two fathers with one child

At the same time, I realized that I couldn't imagine raising a child with anyone else. For me, only Zhan comes into question. But after Jin Mi, does he still want to adopt a child with me and raise it with me? Or has he completely given up on it now?

Sure, it's way too early to worry about these things, but I know that I don't want to be with anyone else but Zhan.

I've known that for six months already and I would certainly know it even longer if I had seen the picture of him on which he smiled so warmly before.

Well, to be honest, I've been asking myself lately if I loved him from the first moment I saw him? But didn't notice it because I only saw him twice? I mean, I couldn't stop thinking about him, and I've been thinking about him ever since the day I first saw him. I always thought that I had to think about him so often because I wanted to know how he was doing, because I felt so sorry for him. But now?

Now I'm not so sure. Because when I think back, even then my heart was racing when I saw him. But I did not recognize it as love, I thought it was pity and concern for the former strange man.

Sometimes I wish I had the power to travel back in time to help Zhan. Help him by stopping his husband from getting into his car so he wouldn't die. But when I think about it today, my heart aches, because it would have meant that Zhan and I would never have gotten together. And then I imagine that I would have travelled into Zhan's past before he met Seo Joon and introduced myself to him and maybe he would have fallen in love with me first and not Seo Joon.

But it is the way it is and I cannot change the past, nor would I really want to. Because even though Zhan suffered a big loss and had to suffer a lot from it, he still had four happy years with Seo Joon, which made him the person he is today.

Because behind the grieving man, there is a man who is full of life, who is lovable and very wonderful. And he only became that man thanks to the love he got from Seo Joon.

I don't know if I could have done the same as Seo Joon. Because back then I was a completely different person and even suffered from the relationship I just experienced. Moreover, I was very much self-centered and would probably have only tried to enforce my wishes and my will.

Now, six years later, I am more mature and can give Zhan the love he deserves and needs. Even though I still made some stupid mistakes in our relationship. But in the future, I want to try harder and prove to Zhan that I can be the right one for him.

There is, or at least there was, one person who firmly believed that.

Soon Zhan will know the truth and I already tremble when I think about how he will react. What will he say? What will he do? Will I still have a boyfriend after this? Or will he leave me straight away?

Already the days and nights he spent in this apartment are cruel and almost unbearable for me. How should I cope with a breakup then? I don't really want to think about it, but I can't get it out of my mind.

The longer Zhan is gone and the closer the day of truth approaches, the greater is my fear of losing Zhan. Every night I have nightmares and wake up sweating and crying. I can't lose him is my first thought when I wake up and my last when I go to sleep.

Will Zhan understand it when he learns the truth?

A/N: While I'm trying to write here, my cat goes completely crazy in the apartment and is always meowing in front of the door of my already sleeping son's room. Oh yes, if you chase him away from there, he runs quickly into the kitchen and as soon as you turn around he comes running and jumps at you from behind. Rascal Yizhan! He also chases the dog away from his sleeping place. So if this chapter is boring as hell, blame my cat for it!

Tomorrow is my birthday and I hope Zhan will appear. I don't want to celebrate my birthday without him. And then, just two days later, is the big day, the day of truth. And then it will be decided whether I will still have a boyfriend or not.

When Zhan called me earlier, he left it open whether he was coming tomorrow or not. He said I would see if he was coming or not. Either way, I'll drop another letter in his mailbox tomorrow.

I haven't written real letters in a long time. To be honest, I can't even remember the last time I wrote a real letter with a fountain pen. All I know is that I suddenly felt the need to start when I came home after talking to Zhan and saw the writing paper lying in the desk.

It's probably much nicer to give someone a handwritten letter than a printed one. Even if it is only a short letter. At least I want to believe that and Zhan told me on the phone that he was happy every morning when he found another letter from me in his mailbox.