'I've been contemplatin, meditatin
Should've waited, should've never dated
You seem irritated, baby, why you never say it?
Isn't this worth saving?'
○
2 Days Later
Manhattan, New York
Belcalis Almanzar
"It's nice to finally meet you onika" Michelle softly smiles and nicki returns the grin.
"I'm guessing my names came up during you guys sessions?"
"A few times, belcalis seems to have very strong feelings for you, she sees a future and she doesn't want her past to affect that. I asked her to see if you could make it here today so we could hopefully dissect you two's past and put you two on a good start" She explains and Onika nods agreeing.
I was high and nervous, I had smoked a blunt before coming here because I wasn't detoxing from weed, it was the only thing that calmed me so I decided that I would continue to smoke just not as heavily as I used to.
"Alright so let's get started, me and belcalis have previously unraveled her past and I noticed that she hurts others as an defensive mechanism, so I think I'll start with this question for you belcalis. Have you ever intentionally hurt onika?"
I cough clearing my throat, it felt like all air had left my lungs.
"Take a deep breath" Michelle speaks calm and soft.
Clearing my throat once more I gather myself before answering.
"Yes" My voice was weak with guilt.
"How many times?"
"Twice" I quickly answer and she raises an questioning eyebrow.
"I swear, twice on like big situations of course it was little shit that I knew would hurt her but it was little so I just didn't care"
Hearing myself speak my actions out loud had my stomach doing flips, I really was the worst.
And to make it worse Onika hadn't moved an inch, she kept an blank face.
"Alright, what was the first situation?"
"When I had realized that I genuinely liked her, I was scared so I purposely ignored her entire existence and I knew what that would do to her but at the same time I felt like I was doing her a favor"
"Why did you feel that way?"
"You know my lifestyle, I didn't want to pull her into the hectic life of being with me because I knew somebody, or both of us would end up hurt, and I was right" I conclude and she nods.
"And what about the second time"
"A little while after that are relationship had grew more serious and I had unexpectedly took a trip to texas and met this girl on the beach and later had relations, we wasn't officially together but again I knew what that would do to her"
"And did you still feel like you were doing her a favor?"
"No, I was giving her a chance to leave. A chance to save herself before she was too far gone but I was too late, at that point I didn't even really want her to leave because I came back to the city and went straight back to her doorstep but she didn't have to let me in" I finish and Michelle nods absorbing everything.
"Onika how does this revelation make you feel?"
Onika Maraj
I was hurt.
