💥Katsuki Bakugou/One Shots💥

Feelings

Hey guys. This next one is um..it means something to me, and if you relate to it then I am so sorry, but you are never alone. You need to know that. This is not a one-shot

Trigger Warning 

I walk up everyday and I think the same thing, everyday. ‘Why’  I  get up and go to school but not before making sure my hair is presentable, not before making sure my face is okay to look at. Having to make sure I look good in what I’m wearing.

Because I know that I will never be like those girls in the magazines or on social media, or like the other girls in my class, cause I mean god didn’t make me that way, god how I wish he had made me like that. So I make sure I am somewhat okay to look at.

Never good enough for someone to actually like though, no no no cause I will never be someone’s first choice or someone’s second choice. I’m never someone’s type, I am never going to be someone’s dream girl. If someone does fall for me.

I will be their last resort.

I lay in my bed sometimes and think, Hey I have an amazing personality, right? 

I am not skinny but boy do I want to be or at least be what society believes thick is. I quickly lose my breath after doing something that includes exercise. I get told by my mother that I have huge chubby cheeks and that she loves them.

I mean of course she does right? She’s my mother. She made me. But she can sometimes say or do things that she doesn’t know or she doesn’t mean for them to hurt me, but they do. I have big thighs that expand when sitting down, I have a stomach that shows when I wear tight clothes.

I don’t like my arms so I never leave the house without wearing a sweater or hoodie. Which doesn’t give me much of a wardrobe. I love certain styles but I can never wear them because they weren’t made for my type of body or my insecurities would never let me. 

I also hate showing my legs to the public so it's always jeans or sweats. I feel so self conscious of my body that I never feel comfortable in my own body. I suck in my stomach cause it gives me peace of mind. 

But as soon as I see myself in a photo my friend took of me, I see something that I wish I didn’t have to see every time I woke up in the morning. I hate my body so much that I sometimes want to starve myself but I never do cause I’m scared.

At times I have no idea what to do with myself, nothing interests me, everything I would usually do just seems boring and numb to me. I then panic that I will never be good at something or that I will depend on my family forever.

But hey, I've gotten pretty good at hiding my feelings from everyone. Sometimes I crack and they surface for a bit until I get it all out and they go back down into this prison of mine.

I apologize if this is all over the place, I was just writing down what feelings were coming.

That's all.