Beholder

Chapter 35

Chapter 35.
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Nokwanda.
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6 months later.
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Starting a new job and a new place is not easy. Getting out of your comfort zone just has to be the hardest, yes I missed home but I regret nothing about coming here. Jo'burg has been a breath of fresh air and it has been an amazing 6 months at my new home and of course I have been making progress with my getting over Jason mission because I didn't see him that much and of course time actually heals all wounds and that was proving to be affective because I could actually go through a whole week without Jason popping up in my mind. Yes I do time myself because I was getting a little worried about me when I couldn't get him out of my head. I almost felt like some obsessed freak. I mean at times he does pop up in my place without saying anything but I have been able to control my hormones around him even though at times it did prove to be hard by I always prevailed.

Having a new born baby has been the most challenging part of actually being here in Jo'burg. I didn't have that much of a support system here in Jo'burg except for Jason's mother who had decided to come and stay with me as I maneuvered my way through motherhood. I was so grateful when she came even though at times she did frustrate me because we didn't actually always agree on some things but I would be lying if I said I wasn't grateful for her because I am.

"I have just put Jayden down." That was her walking in the lounge. I was busy with Cebo's bottles. I named him Cebolenkosi whilst Jason and his family named him Jayden, they said  they were  naming him that because of one of their family member that passed on so yep that's how my son got that name and I do appreciate the sentiment behind why they named him Jayden, I just would have preferred him to be Christopher. I have always liked that name for some odd reason.

"Thank you so much Bianca." I smiled faintly. I was tired. This little ninja just doesn't sleep at all. I mean he sleeps all day and than screams out like somebody was trying to kill him at night. I don't know who taught him that 00:00 was the time for him to scream his little lungs out like he does. At times I did wish Jason could help more with him since he's so handful. I mean it wasn't fair that he gets to enjoy his wedding and I get to cry in the middle of the night because his twin just wouldn't stop crying.

"I just have to make sure I also get some sleep because come midnight he's going to be screaming how much he hates nights to the whole of Jo'burg." I sighed which made Bianca laugh lightly at me. She decided to sit next to me and just held on my hand. "Thank you so much for him Nokwanda. He's perfect." She smiled genuinely and it was contagious because I smiled back at her.
"I thought him having grey eyes was going to have y'all questioning if he was really Jason's." I said honestly. The shock I had when I saw that he didn't have my eyes nor did he have his father's. I was more than sure Jason was about to deny him being his. I mean you know how Africans families look at the baby and just say it is not theirs just because the birthmark wasn't in the usual spot that everybody in the family's is situated at so you can imagine the fear I got when I realised my child has grey eyes.

"My other son had grey eyes and that's why we named him after him. He looks so much like Jayden." She smiled with tears filling her eyes. I didn't know what to say. "I had 3 three sons. Maxwell, Jason and than Jayden." Just like that her tears flowed out of her beautiful blue eyes.

"Jayden drowned in the pool when he was 6." More tears flowed down her cheeks and I felt her pain. Yes I could never understand the pain of losing a child that you have held in your arms but I know the pain of losing a child as well. It just never goes away. It is pain you learn to live with and just hope that one day it won't hurt that much.

"I am so sorry." I held her hand tightly and she squeezed back as she allowed her tears to do as they pleased. "I know what it's like to lose a child and I am so sorry Bianca." I pulled her to me and she gladly allowed my embrace. "I hate that this happened over 10 years ago but I still can't let him go. Each and every day I wake up and just wish it wasn't true."