Rise From The Ashes (EDITING IN PROGRESS)

Chapter 1

Death. Death is a word everyone knows all to well. The meaning of it only brings pain and sorrow. It leaves you feeling numb and broken when it takes your loved ones.

It is also the one word I loathe the most.

Deaths only purpose in life is to rob you from the ones you love. It has no limit, it never sleeps and it never stops. It shows no mercy and has no fear. It doesn't matter if you are young or old. You can not outrun.

Everyone in life will eventually come face to face with death. It's inevitable, that much is true.

When you feel death breathing down your neck, reaching for your soul are you willing to go without a fight or will you fight until your last breath? Would you have spent your time doing the things you loved with the people you love? Can you say your time was well spent doing the things that mattered most? Can you say you loved deeply and fell in love only to have your heart broken, because I can. I have loved with every beat of my heart and every pulse in my veins, but at the end my love was not enough. It was not enough to make the one person who gave me a reason to live; live.

Im no stranger to heartbreak and pain. And death, well he doesn't care much about me.

I imagine if death had a soul, it would look like mine. Empty and dead with nothing left to offer but the empty space that once occupied my beating heart and soul.

You see people are put into two categories. "the fortunate"and "the less fortunate." The fortunate, also known as the lucky ones, seem to have everything their heart desires. They have it easy while the less fortunate; the ones who have faced such unfortunate luck have it harder. They seem to face many obstacles in life. 

As for me, my life has always been filled with heartache and pain, so I shouldn't have to tell you what category I fall into.

I've struggled to continue with life after I lost him. I realized I wasn't living, I was simply surviving. Surviving to see another hopeless day. Another day broken and beaten. Another day without him and I couldn't continue that way, so about a year into my grieving process I completely gave up on life. I was willing to greet death like a long lost friend. And I would have if I wasn't held back from accomplishing my deepest desire.

Furthermore, I realized death doesn't want me. No one does. So here I am pushing through to survive another miserable day of life.

You see when someone loses a child they lose a piece of their heart, their soul. Thats what happened to me. I lost everything when I lost my son.

When he died he took my whole world and shattered it into pieces. He left me cripple and blinded by the darkness.

Will I ever be whole again?

Probably not.

Yet here I am fighting. Fighting to breathe... to live. Fighting to live for my dead son, because I know he wouldn't want me to live my life the way I have been.

Truthfully—deep down I want to do better. I really do. I want to find that ounce of happiness again. That sparkle of hope... the light, regardless if my mind is telling me otherwise, I will always try to listen to my broken heart that is telling me that maybe I deserve a chance at this.

So here I am continuing with my monthly visits with Dr. Carson.

I typically meet him on Tuesday's but today is different, today's an extra hard day for me considering the circumstances.
Today marks the two year anniversary of my sons death. The day he was took from me.

"Braxlyn, are you ok, dear? It seems your thoughts are elsewhere." Dr. Carson asks, drawing me out of the dark thoughts my brain has lead me to once more.