Rise From The Ashes (EDITING IN PROGRESS)

Chapter 12

As we continue to sit and converse in this beautiful Italian restaurant I realize one thing; this is what it's like to be a normal person for once, to be happy even if it's only for the moment. For the night I'm just this normal girl on a date. I can leave my troubled past behind and pretend that everything is normal. Only for the moment.

For years I have never allowed myself the satisfaction of being happy. I never let the thought manifest it's self into me, why would I when eventually everything will come tumbling down. It always does.

What scares me the most is I can feel myself gaining control of my life little by little, day by day. I feel the old Braxlyn slipping into the cracks and crevices of her old self. Eventually, though it will come tumbling down on me. Some tragedy will strike my life and cause disruption, leaving me a broken mess. It's always been that way.

I got so comfortable in pain because it was the only constant thing in my life. Aside from fear. It was the only emotion that stayed with me, never leaving and eventually I learned to expect it. After all it is who I am now.

The death of my son was what sent me in a downward spiral. It was the final tragedy that broke me and from then on I never allowed myself to be happy again. How could I when I was the cause of it all. I was the disaster after the storm.

Don't do this to yourself. You were having such a good time. Zaren would be proud of you if he was here today. I remind myself.

If Zaren was here today he would tell me how proud he is of me. Regardless if I did something to make him proud or not he would always remind me.

I hate it how I could be having a simple conversation and it would trigger something from my past. I quickly blink back the tears and straighten my shoulders. I'm not going to let anything destroy the good night I'm having.

"I'm sorry," I 1quickly apologize to Zevander. "This must be the worst date you have ever been on. If I may be honest with you, this is my first date."

Shaking his head Zevander responds,  "Braxlyn, this date is anything but bad. I really enjoy your company. I was... out of curiosity, how long has it been since you've been on a date?" He asked.

"This is quite embarrassing but this is my first date." I answer truthfully, feeling my cheeks blush in the process.

"Unbelievable," I hear him whisper before apologizing. "I'm sorry, but I just find it hard to believe that this is your first date. I mean I'm honored to be your first date. You're just very beautiful."

With that I feel my cheeks blush an even darker shade of red. It wouldn't be unbelievable if he knew the reason behind it. He wouldn't think it's unbelievable if he knew just how unexperienced I am when it comes to the aspect of all things love.

"It's complicated," I half answer. "Please don't make me explain. It's not something I'm ready for."

"If it's something you're not comfortable talking about then I understand. I won't pressure you. I only ever want you to feel comfortable around me." He answers, grabbing my hand and interlocking our fingers and rubbing soothing circles in the inside of my palm.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Truth be told I haven't been on a date in five years," he explains. "I was scared I would somehow scare you away. I'm a little rusty in this area of expertise.

I repeat his worlds in my head. He hasn't been on a date in five years. His last date must of been with his wife. I remember Lenaya saying that her mother was in heaven. I want to ask but I respect his privacy so I won't pry.

I know I'm not ready to tell my story and I'm pretty sure he's not either.

"Well you're very charming. I would have never guessed," I confess diverting the situation.