Rise From The Ashes (EDITING IN PROGRESS)

Chapter 17

      **Zevander's POV **

The past month has been hell for me. I haven't been getting much sleep and it's starting to show. Even my sister and nosy brother are starting to notice. I've kept my distance from my parents because my mother will figure that something is wrong and I don't want to be the cause of her stress.

My life has become a living hell and I don't know what to do about it. My siblings aren't the only ones who have noticed as Lenaya knows something is up. She also has been crying and beginning to see Braxlyn. I guess seeing her once a week is not enough anymore as she's became attached to her and has grown to love Braxlyn. I know Braxlyn loves her as well, just like I know Lenaya makes her happy. I see it when she looks at my daughter. She has that spark in her eyes when Lenaya is around and I never want that spark to die regardless of my shitty actions.

Lenaya enjoys spending time with Braxlyn and I can't take that away from her. From the both of them. I hoped Lenaya would take the pain that I caused Braxlyn away, but it seems that even she can't heal her.

She shouldn't have to be the one to heal what I have caused though. It's my responsibility, I'm just to much of a coward to face her. What I've been doing is wrong. I know that ignoring her is not a proper way to treat anyone, especially a lady. My parents would be disappointed if they found out.

It's not like I mean to hurt her, but every time I see her, my mind wonders back to my wife. My dead wife, Aliana and how disappointed she would be of me, but it's also so damn hard to keep fighting my feelings for Braxlyn.

I went to visit my wife yesterday to let her know that I couldn't do it anymore. The feelings I've been fighting aren't helping and I was going to beg Braxlyn for forgiveness and pray she gives me a second chance to make things work with her. Hell, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her if she lets me. What I didn't expect is to run into Braxlyn at the cemetery.

Seeing her crying like that did something to me... to my heart. It was like it was thawed out and could finally beat again... love again. I couldn't take my eyes off her. It hurt to see so much pain behind those beautiful grey stormy eyes. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and never let her go. I wanted to absorb all her pain, so she will never feel that way ever again.

I've never experienced anything like this before. Yes I was married but I never felt this way with Aliana before. My wife was a complicated person. She was hot headed with a bad temper. She was rough around the edges and a little hard to love but I learned how and fell for who was under all the layers of roughness.

When Aliana gave birth I thought it would be one of the happiest days of my life. I thought Lenaya would be the one to set everything into motion, but I was so wrong. Aliana had complications during her pregnancy. She knew it was a ninety-five percent chance she wouldn't make it and never told me. Hell she didn't even allow me in the hospital room during the birth of my daughter, so I stayed out in the waiting room, waiting to be united with my child and wife.

I went through so many conflicted emotions. Majority of it being anger upon finding out she kept it from me. For months I assumed she didn't tell me out of fear that I would make her terminate the pregnancy, but if she really knew me she would of known I would never do that. I would never take her choice away. If she chose to terminate the pregnancy I would of agreed and we could have adopted, if that was what she chose.

Looking back I'm glad she chose to keep Lenaya. My daughter is the best thing that could ever happen to me. She is my blessing.

And then there's Braxlyn. The complete opposite of Aliana. She's kind, caring and beautiful. There's just something about her I can't seem to shake. She consumes my every thought and when I grabbed her hand for the first time I felt something I never felt before. The way my skin pulsed and came alive had my heart beating at an abnormal rate and I loved it. I loved every fucking feeling.