Rise From The Ashes (EDITING IN PROGRESS)

Chapter 18

  Throughout the years, I've picked up on different things for each of my moods. For example; if I'm sad, I'll typically cry myself to sleep, but if I'm happy, I clean. It's a weird habit that I picked up on, but I like my atmosphere to smell fresh. The smell of a fresh clean house always sets the mood to go out and be spontaneous. It motivates me to leave the house and explore my surroundings.

When I need a clear head I prefer to be at work helping Jack, as there is no better way then to preoccupy my mind, then staying busy, but of course Jack has forbid me to step foot in the diner today.

He called shortly after I returned from the cemetery yesterday and questioned why I was still sleeping in at two in the afternoon. Apparently, I can't enjoy a extra few house of sleep without something being wrong, hence why I'm home cleaning instead of working.

My phone rings loudly in the quiet space of my apartment causing me to jump in freight. I glare in the direction of my living room where my phone is at before picking up the dish rag I dropped in the process. Setting the damp cloth that smells strongly of lemon bleach on the kitchen counter I rush to the living room to answer my phone before voicemail can pick it up.

"Hello." I breathe out, out of breath.

"Hey, BB. How are you feeling this morning?"

I put the phone between my shoulder and ear and start to wipe down the cabinets in the kitchen. "Yeah, sorry. I was cleaning when you called and I had to run to the living room to get my phone. I promise you, I'm fine, Ari."

"Are you sure? I don't mi-"

"I promise I'm fine," I interrupt. " I know it might have seemed yesterday was a bad day for me, but I promise today is a breath of fresh air."

"I just don't want you cooped up in the house all day. Go out and do something, hell go shopping. Just don't go back into that shell of yours, especially after all the progress you've made."

"I know and I promise I won't. I think I've been doing pretty good these past couple of months." I proudly state.

"Oh you have and that's why I think we should go out and celebrate. Let's go to the bar tonight. Maybe you'll find a nice guy."

"What? No!" I Yell. "I am NOT going to a bar in search of a companion."

She has to be out of her mind if she thinks I'll do that. I can't just go to a bar and get comfortable with a stranger. For all I know, he can be a serial killer.

"But why?" Aria whines and I have to stop myself from grinding my teeth at her blatant disregard for our safety.

"Because I still love Zevander and that's not something I can do." I say a little louder then I should. Aria knows I have trouble trusting guys. Hell, I have issues looking them in their eyes.

"BB, you haven't talked to him in a month. I think it's time to move on from him and try to find happiness somewhere else. Don't you think it's time to try?"

"I can't," I shake my head. "I can't just pretend like I never knew him. He is not someone I can just easily move on from."