Using a Subliminal and Does it Work?

Dear Cross

Dear Cross,

Hey...so we haven't talked to each other in a little over a week. I jut wanted to tell you that I love you. And I want you but you don't want me. But that's OK.

Maybe things would've been different if I had shot my shot when we were still in school but now that we're quarantined, we can't see each other and sit next to each other and laugh and make fun of each other. Maybe it would've been different if I had said that you looked handsome when you asked me. 

It will always be "maybe this" or "maybe that" with me because even though I know I should move on...there will always be a part of me that will question everything I said and did to you.

I will always treasure the moments I had made with you. I did love you even though we weren't together. That really sucks. I'm not mad or angry at you though. I just feel let down because I just wonder what we would've been or could've been to each other.

I was finally given something to look forward to in school and I'm grateful for that.

Out of all of my happy memories with you, I would have to say the day when you spun me around and had your hand in mine when I had your phone was my #1. That day will always be my favorite. It was like I was living my own fanfiction hahah XD.

And then there are the sad memories when we had an argument about taking jokes seriously and you said that you didn't like talking to me sometimes because I "take things too seriously." That day hurt me more than you know.

Our jokes were funny too. "Don't look at me like that," "there are over 100 million nerves in the body...and you get one every single one of mine," "do your work!" *snaps finger at me* "don't snap at me! I'm not a dog!"

It takes a lot of effort to not check up on your social medias. I really want to check your Instagram just to see your pictures and I want to go to our saved Snapchat messages just to hear your tired voice say "that's just the vibe I got." I can't check up on you because I know you aren't doing the same to me.

You aren't giving the same energy towards me so why I should I continue to give that energy to you? This thing between us shouldn't be one sided. It's not fair to me. I've tried to get to you but it's time to let go now. It's time to let go of you. I'm choosing to let you go before I cause myself anymore hurt.  I've been driving myself crazy, constantly watching your snapscore go up but still receiving no texts or snaps from you.

I won't let go off the special memories with you but I can't contact you right now. The fact that we live two streets apart kills me. Like Alec Benjamin said from his song "Six Feet Apart" you're "too far away to hold, but close enough to break my heart."

I bought the book "Fahrenheit 451" because you told me to read it. I still haven't finished it and now I don't know if I can because it reminds me of you. I watched an anime for the first time because of you. I never liked animes before you told me to watch Beastars. Now I hear that season 2 is coming out this year and when I watch the second season, I'll be thinking of you the whole time.

I still have that yellow pencil you poked me in the head with. You told me to keep and I did. I'll keep it until I don't need it anymore. Like when I won't need you anymore to go on.

I have said "I love you" to boys in the past but I never knew what love was. Not until I met you. Love makes you feel weird things and do stupid things and it's a fact that falling in love has a similar neurological effect as getting high on cocaine. Which is why our chemistry teacher asked me if I was doing ok. She knew something was up with our chemistry group...or just you and I. Trust me, I almost told her I liked you and I still don't know if I should or shouldn't have.

Anyways, I wish you the best. The best senior year. The best college you get into. The best summer vacation. The best time spent with friends and family. The best football games (even though the team is kind of trash). The best prom (if you are going). The best Grad Night. The best senior picture. The best graduation. The best girlfriend someday. I hope everything works out for you.

I know one day I'll say "I love you" again to my special someone and I'll think of you.

I'll always remember you. No matter what.

You'll always be my one sided first love.

Love,
******* *****

__________________

On Sunday I posted on my Snap story about watching the movie He's Just Not That Into You and he sent me a message but I'm gonna leave him in delivered for about a week and then just leave him on read.