To The End With You

C h a p t e r T w e n t y- O n e

Photo: Grand Duchess Tatiana Nikolaevna Romanova 1912

November 1912
As a birthday present I've gotten the news. That I wouldn't be getting the surgery. Mama said that it would mess up my head and that Grand Duchesses are supposed to be beautiful. I feel as if it was an excuse. Maybe Rasputin advised her? Then I would have to owe him. I sat knitting a scarf with my yellow yarn, with my sisters in grandmother's tea room.

We sat in silence until Olga spoke up, "I would like to play the piano for a bit, may I?" Tatiana nodded her head concentrated on her knitting. Olga looked over at me, I gave her a small nod looking back at the scarf. She sat and started to play some tunes I did not recognize. The wonder of why Mama didn't want me getting the surgery ran through my mind. Did she come to the realization on her own or did she really go to rasputin for advice? Did she go to seek Rasputin's help on sending me to Denmark too? why couldn't I stay in russia with grandmother?

I was done with the scarf so I moved on to knitting a matching hat. The room was silent apart from the piano Olga was playing. It was just the three of us without the ladies in waiting, which was quite nice. Did Tatiana know anything? Maybe Mama told her? I wanted to ask Tatiana in private but Olga was in the room. "Olishka," Olga stopped playing and looked over at me. "Yes darling?". "I think Auntie Olga wanted to speak to you earlier... it's urgent."I lied. "Oh well then, why didn't you say anything earlier? I'll go speak to her right now."Olga kindly said, walking out of the room quickly with no thought of my white lie.

Tatiana turned and looked at me with one eyebrow raised. "I need to talk to you."I said, "Go ahead dear.". "Why did mama agree for me to go with Grandmother?"I questioned her. "I don't know what you mean."Tatiana uttered looking away. "You know exactly what I mean. I'm not stupid."I annoyingly said in a matter of fact tone. Tatiana sighed, "She spoke to Father Grigori on the phone.".

"What?", Tatiana kept looking away, "She called him and he advised mama to let you go, he said it will help with your memory.". "Did he advise her against the surgery?"I asked. "I don't know."Tatiana answered a little too quickly. "You aren't lying are-,"
"No! I promise! I don't know anything!".

I nodded my head thinking of other questions before the door was harshly opened and Olga came in with an angered face, "Auntie Olga didn't need anything!". "Oh, then I must have mistaken, I think she meant for someone else, sorry."I apologized. She rolled her eyes and sat at the piano again playing a much more harsher tune.

We sat knitting for a sometime and I managed to knit half of a blanket. I used different colored yarns for the patterns. We sat here for a while because Auntie Olga came in with a worried look, "Were all of you sitting here all day?". "Yes,"Tatiana answered glancing at the clock. "We should do something fun! What about a game of chess?"Aunt Olga suggested.

"I don't know how to play."I dismissed. Aunt Olga took a seat next to Tatiana and watched her knit, "What if we go outside for a walk?"she suggested again. A blush crept up on my face. It felt the room get hotter as the tips of my ears started to burn. "No, it is too cold Auntie! When we went the other day I almost froze!"Olga exclaimed. I mentally thanked her.

I wasn't ready to face Misha again. He got the wrong intention. When he asked me the question, I couldn't disappoint him. I am not wanting to be romantically involved with anyone, ever. I kept my eyes on my almost complete blanket. "Later tonight there is a charity that we got invited to. It starts at 7:00 at night."Grandmother said while walking in. "Why such a late notice Granny?"Tatiana asked.

"The mail was lost and then someone came to make sure we were going but when I said we didn't get any letter, oh it became very hectic!"she chuckled while talking a seat next to me, leaning her cane against the couch. "When should we start to get ready?"Olga asked. "In a few minutes, it's 5:30 isn't it?"Grandmother answers while looking at the clock.

Olga nodded her head while looking at her hands. "Where is Papa?"Tatiana asked. "He is on the phone with your mama."Grandmother answered. "Well we should start getting ready! They ladies in waiting will help."Grandmother stood up with the support of her cane and walked out of the room with Aunt Olga following behind her. Ella came in with the Russian ladies in waiting. We walked to our separate rooms getting ready for the late noticed charity.

After we were finished with the pampering I had a light pink dress on with my hair in a braid. I sighed annoyingly at the tight braid. It hurt my scalp but Grandmother ordered me to have my hair braided. Ella helped me in my coat. We walked to the front door where Grandmother stood in a fancy fur coat and hat with Aunt Olga standing next to her. Papa was standing next to Aunt Olga chatting away about something. The Big Pair wasn't here yet. I simply smiled at Papa and kept my head down until the Big Pair came down.

When they came down they had their hair nicely styled with golden yellow dresses on. Once everyone was ready we took the carriage to the charity.