To The End With You

C h a p t e r T h i r t y - F i v e

Photo: The imperial family in Livadia 1913

January 1914
I stood in front of the Peterhof palace with my bags off to the side with the servants. It was cold and snow was lying about everywhere. I was back "home" I guess. I was met at the entrance with Lili, leading me to Mama. With my bag in hand I followed her through the grand palace that seemed more like a maze. My goodbye with Grandmother and Ella was very brief, She was going to be a lady in waiting in Denmark, for the now Queen, since I was going to have a different one, sharing with one of the pairs I guess.

I walked up the stairs to Mama's tea room. It was exactly the same with it still smelling like lavender. Mama was resting as Anna read to her, none of my sisters were in sight. Once they noticed that the door opened Mama motioned me to come quickly, she stood up and took me into her embrace. "Oh my darling! You don't know I much I missed you! I glad to see you back and healthy!" She exclaimed. I stood still and slowly put my arms around her. I was still quite shorter then her but quickly catching her height.

"Lili, call the girls and let them know that Valentina has arrived home officially!" Mama ordered. Lili bowed and left. Mama took me by the hand and we sat down on the couch together. "Where is Alexei?" I asked as I looked around the room. "He is with your Papa, they are with your sisters in the garden playing in the snow." I nodded my head as we sat in silence, "How have you been my darling?"she asked me. "I doing well Mama," I replied.

I didn't feel like talking, I felt very sad. I won't ever see Ella again and I don't know when will be the next time that I will see grandmother. Mama kept talking about how everyone missed having me around but I wasn't quite believing her, after all I shouldn't really exist now but I should be in 2018.

The doors were opened loudly and Maria came in running first before anyone else could,"Im very thrilled to see you Vanya!" She exclaimed as she rushed down to sit on my right ride. Maria gave me the tightest hug I've ever had. I almost had trouble breathing before she let me go. The rest of everyone came in, I was greeted by the big pair and Anastasia with hugs. Then papa came with Alexei. Following them was the Governess and two ladies in waiting, we were all finally in one room. I noticed that they all still had their winter attire on.

"I'm so glad you are home Valentina," Tatiana smiled. "We missed you dearly!" Olga remarked. "Why were you sent away in the first place?" Anastasia questioned looking up at me. I looked up at Mama then Papa. They looked back at each other, mama broke the eye contact and scolded Anastasia, "Shvibzik! It's rude to ask such questions!". I could tell Anastasia was holding back an eye roll, instead she looked at Tatiana with a confused face.

"Well Valentina why don't we go back to our room so you can unpack your smaller times." Maria recommended. "No, Marie, she won't be rooming with you and Shvibzik anymore. She will be sharing with the Big pair now." Mama explained. The room was much more silent now. Everyone was full of shock except our parents. Alexei seemed to have little to no interest with the conversation.

"Why Mama?! We have shared a room together since the day I was born!"Maria cried out. "Me and your father already established this decision." Mama shouted in annoyance. No one said a word and I kept my head down. I felt Maria's gaze on me. I barely even got to blink when she ran slamming the door open and running off to somewhere in the palace. "Come on Vanya, we will show you to our room,"Tatiana said, taking initiative. I looked at Mama and she looked sad, sorrowful. She gave me a small nod, allowing to go with Tatiana.

I stood up with my bag in hand, Olga holding the door open for us as Tatiana led me to the room. The room was quite far away, Lili was trailing behind us not saying a word, no one was. After a bunch of walking we got there, we stopped between the doors. "Here we go!"Tatiana said. She opened the door and it was a very different compared to the little pair's room.

I sighed and put my bag down, I felt all of their stares burning through my back. "Why did Mama put me here?"I asked. They both kept silent and it seemed that Lili stayed out of the room. "Well she thought it would have been a better idea to have you with us because it's-,"

"Safer," Olga cut her off. I said nothing, What I meant was why was I back here? Would I be protected from Rasputin? Was I safe with the big pair? There was a bed right in the middle between Olga's and Tatiana's. I knew it was mine, the middle child, in the middle of the room. The bed looked plain compared to the other two. It looked like it wasn't supposed to be there, it looked awkward. I walked up to it and sat down. When I looked up at the big pair I knew that talking to me was like walking on thin ice. They took me as fragile and I hated that. But still I knew they wanted what is best for me and I loved them for that.