To The End With You

C h a p t e r T h i r t y - T h r e e

Photo: A close up picture of Grand Duchess Olga Nikolaevna in color

Uncomfortable topics ahead

July 1913
My time in Russia was slowly ending. Anastasia's birthday passed by and it was fun, having another ball. Livadia was an amazing place and now I know why they like coming here so much. There are so many more things to do here. The water is beautiful and there are many trails to walk. I was wheeled to the inside of Grandmother's yacht. I sat by a table with a few ladies in waiting with me.

The 300 years of Romanov rule celebration was boring on my part since no one knows about my existence as a Romanov. Everyone else was greeting, shaking hands while I stayed on the side lines bored out of my wits. The party was okay, I sat on one of thrones since the wheel chair wouldn't fit the occasion. The girls had all matching outfits while I had a different blue dress with my hair braided.

Ever since my journey here on that fateful night, I realized that there were so much people around. I don't even know half of their names, I know it's bad but can I be blamed? Different people surround me all the time and I don't even socialize with half of them. I heard the door open and looked up to see Grandmother walk in with even more ladies in waiting following her. "Valentina! You do not have to be in that ridiculous wheelchair anymore." She ordered while sitting down next to me on a regular chair.

"I don't?" I asked confused. "Of course not! I did not have the power to fight with your parents about it, before we left Dr. Botkin informed me that you won't need the wheel chair anymore."

I looked down at my hands feeling all of their eyes land on me. I put my hands on both sides of the wheelchair starting to pull myself up. Two of grandmothers most trusted ladies in waiting came to me, on each of my side, helping me slowly stand up. I managed to stand for a split second before I felt my legs grow weak and I fell into my wheelchair again.

I tried to stand up again and had the same result. I imagine that it was painful to watch me try and stand up, a simple act to complete, yet difficult for me to do. On my last try I was successful, by having both ladies in waiting holding me in place by my waist. One of the women felt around my rib cage and let go of me. She went up to grandmother and tried to whisper as quietly as she could, "Your majesty, she is very skinny, I can feel her ribs," Grandmother looked taken back a little and made everyone exit the room except the two ladies in waiting and me.

Once everyone left they started to strip me of my clothing and corset, only to have me in my short sleeved undergarments. My bony arms and legs were revealed. That is when grandmother ordered them to lift my final piece up to the ending point of my rib cage to reveal my stomach.

I haven't noticed how my body changed at all.

She asked for one of them to call a doctor as soon as they could. I was sitting in my chair again as the lady in waiting spoke, "Look how hollow her cheek bones are!" Grandmother stayed silent just observing my face.

Very soon the doctor came and observed my malnourished self. He identified my illness, not telling me what it was. I was confused, I wasn't purposefully starving myself, I was losing my appetite most of the time. The doctor left and the ladies in waiting helped me put on my clothing. I was then wheeled out so that Grandmother could discuss matters. One of grandmother's ladies in waiting kept me company while the other stayed with Grandmother. I sat silently staring at my lap, wondering if I looked that bad?

"May I see a mirror please?" I asked her. She gave an unsure look but stood up from her seat and went to look for a mirror. Very soon she came back with a handheld mirror. She handed me it and what I saw in the reflection not me. For a split second it was the frightening angel, not me. Once I blinked it was gone but the reflection did not improve, I looked so pale, like a ghost.

My cheekbones were indeed very hollow. I was almost scared to look at myself, so how could others do it? I held back tears, what happened to me? Why am I like this? What is wrong with me? I felt my tears slipping and I started to wipe them away. I couldn't control my emotions. I didn't know what to do with myself. Very soon I got the news as my grandmother came in,

"We are staying in Russia."