To The End With You

C h a p t e r T h i r t y - O n e

Photo: Tsarina Alexandra with the small pair 1913

June 1913
"Wheel me!" I ordered. Finally we could celebrate Tatiana's birthday. Everyone arrived and we were going to celebrate. Marie was wheeling me to Tatiana. I sat ordering her around and I could tell she was starting to get annoyed, very quickly. I sat with the gift in my lap, impatiently waiting for Maria to get me from point A to point B.

"Faster."I commanded. I heard a sigh come from Maria and she basically ran while pushing me to the big pairs room. I wanted to get this over with, I was still mad about not telling me that I technically don't exist. Valentina Nikolaevna doesn't exist. I kept repeating that in my head. No wonder why she didn't exist in the future either, the dots were slowly connecting. I wonder what Misha thought when I told him who I was?

I felt that I had slowed down and I turned around to face Marie, "Why did we stop?" She dramatically fell to the ground, out of breath, sweating. "Just give me a few minutes."she barely breathed out while laying flat in the middle of the hallway with me and my wheel chair awkwardly placed in front of her. I rolled my eyes, "You are very out of shape,"and turned forward again, trying to wheel myself but she stopped me, putting her foot in one of the wheels. "You aren't allowed to do that,"she managed to say.

We sat in silence until Marie managed to catch her breath. "Who was that Officer that you were talking to yesterday?"She asked out of the blue. I felt a lump form in my throat and felt the blush creep up on me. I kept my face forward looking down at my hands making sure Marie didn't see my reaction. "I don't remember,"I stated. "Oh Vanya! You might have changed very much since the incident but your unbelievable lies stayed the same!"she exclaimed.

"What?" I questioned. "You always did this, whenever you lied, you would look at your hands."she explained. I gave her an annoyed look, but didn't dare to turn around, "Whatever, he just spoke to me because I was sitting by myself." I heard Maria snort at my response. "A Grand Duchess isn't suppose to do that you fat little bow-wow,"I heard Anastasia's sassy voice say as she walked by us heading into the maze of hallways.

I looked at her in utter shock, and she was the legend, escaping the Bolsheviks (Not with that attitude). I quickly turned around to see Maria face go blank. She had tears coming down her face. She got off the ground and sat up against the wall. "Do you want to talk about it?"I asked. She didn't turn to look my way, "It's just that I'm the fattest, ugliest, and stupidest one out of all of us, I'm not even smart." Maria sobbed with her arms covering her face.

"Maria don't say that about your self."I tried to comfort. "I just wish to be be as thin and intelligent as Olga, I wish to be as graceful and beautiful as Tatiana, I wish to be as brave and optimistic as you, I wish to be as witty and funny as Anastasia."she continued to cry. I wheeled myself around to face her. I took her arm away from her face and held her hand so she would look at me.

"Listen Mashka, you are very beautiful, thin, intelligent, outspoken, funny, and strong. You are you. All of us are different in our own way. Don't compare yourself to anyone because all of us are different."I stated. Marie stared at the ground while I spoke. She got off and dusted herself off, straightening out her dress and hair. We returned to our journey and she started to wheel me again "Mashka!? What are you doing?" I cried out. She didn't say anything, her face was blank, acting like she never had the break down.

"Valentina, it was nothing. Let's just pretend like this never happened." She muttered. Before I answered her we got to the big pairs infirmary. She managed to open both doors while I tried to help her as best as I could. We found the big pair with Grand Duchess Xenia. She was happy to see me. When I met Grand Duchess Xenia, she was full of compassion for me and my "ill" state, mama explained that I was and not feeling well recently.

The only people that seemed to know about my real "illness" were, Grandmother, mama and Papa, my siblings, Aunt Olga, Aunt Ella and Queen Mary. Mama made her swore that she wouldn't tell a soul. I later found out that excuses were made for my weird behavior. They covered my "schizophrenia" pretty well.

Olga quickly got up as she watched Marie struggle with holding up the doors and  trying to wheel me. Olga held the doors while Marie wheeled me in. "Happy birthday Tatiana!"I said. She looked at me and smiled. Marie handed her a gift which contained a small ring. Tatiana got up and hugged her. I then gave her my present, she opened it with a big smile, "Oh thank you Vanya!" She got and gave me a tight hug. I awkwardly smiled at her and hugged her back.

Eventually she pulled away sitting back down on the couch. "Where is Anastasia?"I asked, quite some time passed since the last saw her in the hallway. "She is getting a massage because her feet were hurting." Olga explained. "Why were her feet hurting?"I questioned again. They looked at each other confused. Maria then explained, "Anastasia has bunions,"

"Oh, wow I didn't know." I said looking away. "How is Denmark?" Xenia asked, changing the subject. "Very different it's-," I was cut off. A knock on the door was heard and Xenia allowed the person to enter. A servant came in, "The Tsarina requests for the presence of Grand Duchess Xenia Alexandrovna of Russia." Xenia excused herself and got up leaving us behind with two ladies in waiting, one of them being Lili.

"Where is Dickie?" Olga questioned. "He is with Papa and the others." Maria quickly answered. The big pair looked at each other with a smirk. I caught on to their shenanigans. It was obvious that this guy named Dickie had some sort of crush on Marie, or maybe it was the other way around? It was something like that.

"What?" Marie said with confusion. I couldn't keep away my smile. "Have you spent quality time with him yet?" Tatiana asked failing to contain her laughter. Marie caught on, with her face turning bright red and started to deny anything. Olga started to tease her on the matter and soon the storm erupted.

I took this as the perfect time to talk to Tatiana. The yelling was getting louder and Lili was getting in between them so that they could stop. I looked over at Tatiana that was enjoying the scene. "Tatiana," I said. She looked over at me and smiled. "Can we talk in private?" She nodded, getting up and wheeling me to the next room.

She wheeled me next to a chair and went to close the double doors. Once she did the volume went from a ten to zero. She turned around walking to the chair and sat down. "Tatiana I would like to speak to you about the incident involving you not telling me that I don't exist in the public. I just want to put this behind us and be friends again." I confessed. She looked like she was on the verge of tears, she took me into her embrace and said, "I will always be your friend, we are sisters after all."

We let go of each other and left for the other room joining them again.