To The End With You

C h a p t e r F o r t y - O n e

Photo: OTMA 1914

August 1914
Olga ended up not marrying prince Carol. I was definitely not up to the task either. I was sitting in the garden while painting. Anastasia was a much more better painter than me, she was making fun of the way I drew the outline of an eye wrong. She was painting flowers, I was painting my old grandmama. My fear was coming true, I was slowly starting to forget her. I have a blurry vision of what her appearance was and what she was like. So much time has pasted by and so many things have happened that I am forgetting my old life.

I was finished outlining the portrait and I started to paint. I took my brush, dipping it into the rich bright blue paint. I started filling in the eye before I heard Maria's obnoxious giggling. She was probably flirting with another solider, her favorite pastime. "Oh my! I simply can not believe that Vanya didn't introduce you sooner to me!"I heard her exclaim. I quickly turned my head towards her direction, I saw the person that I needed to see.

Swiftly, I got up from my chair and speed walked to them. I already felt my face start to glow red. I stopped in front of them, my hands shaking from the nerves. "Oh Hello Vanya!"Maria smiled with a smug look. "Can you give us a moment?" I asked her. "Of course my darlingest sister,"she exclaimed too loudly. I held back an eye roll, she was being nice enough to leave us alone.

Maria said her goodbye and left Misha and I in the same spot. I turned to look at him but eyes were already on me. I felt myself shaking even more, "Misha I-,"

"Valentina, let me speak first, before you say anything."he cut me off. I shut my mouth my face burning a bright red, I was a tomato by now. "I am engaged."he announced. I froze, "Engaged?"I repeated in disbelief. "Yes, I met her at a ball a few years ago. You will like her, she is really nice."Misha explained. I stood there like fool. I was a fool, I was too late. I straightened myself out "Well then, congratulations Misha,"I muttered, sticking my hand out. Misha smiled at me, taking my hand and shaking it.

"This won't get in the way of our friendship?"he asked me. I offered him a teary smile, "Of course not." I promised, although I felt as if the promise was to be a lie. Silence fell upon us while we stared at each other. I could tell that Misha was trying read me just by looking at my eyes. I wish he would know what I was thinking, going through. Then I wouldn't have to explain myself while sounding crazy.

"So when is the wedding date?" I asked wiping a falling tear away. "We are planning on an October wedding, we both just can't wait."he answered. I nodded my head, "What is the lucky girls name?" I looked at him. "Her name is Evelina, you will like her. She will start working at the palace soon."
The whole time he spoke I could see the adoration in his eyes for her, they were soulmates. "Is she russian?"

"She was born here but raised in Romania, her father is part of the court there, he is originally from Romania. She was a lady in waiting for one of the royal Romanian daughters. You might have seen her while on your trip." Misha muttered, looking out into the distance. "What will she be working here as?" I interrogated. "She told me that she is a lady in waiting, specifically assigned to one of your sisters."

"Why her?"I said unable to hide the small amount of bitterness in my voice. "Well she is pretty amazing, she is a great caretaker and served as a nurse."

"Well, I'm sure that you both will be very happy together"

Misha offered me a smile, "I must get going now, I was only allowed to switch shifts for an hour, hoping to find you."
"Of course! Go! I have things to get back to as well, goodbye Misha." I waved. "See you around Vanya" he beamed, while walking away from me.

Once he left out of eye sight, I felt the tears start to build up and the lump in my throat was starting to hurt. I quickly ran into the palace, I could already see Lili and the other lady in waiting's panic, thinking that I lost my mind again. I entered a random bedroom and bursted into tears. I slid down onto the ground and let myself cry. Fresh tears prickled down my red face. It left goo to cry.

I lost Misha, I officially lost him. I should've said yes back in Romania. I should have told him my plan of being with him. But now it's all gone, he will be married and I will be alone. I don't even want to be alone, why did I say that I want to be alone? I should have trusted him with my information of the future. He would have listen, and not see me as crazy. Or would he?

I started to sob harder. Having a broken heart is quiet painful, so the karma is even. Amongst my crying I didn't hear the door open. When I finally looked up, Olga was looking down at me with pity. I probably looked like a bum, sitting on the dirty carpet in my clean white dress while looking like a tomato at the same time, with snot hanging from my nose. I always ugly cry, I was born with it.

"Oh Vanya,"Olga muttered. She shut the door behind herself, walked over next to me and kneeled, taking out her handkerchief, handing it over to me. I took her offer and blowed my nose while continuing to cry. "Tears of a broken heart?"she asked me. I tried to calm myself down but it didn't work. Olga seemed to notice because she took me into her embrace, "Its fine, everything is going to be okay." She started to comfort me.

I cried for a bit in her arms until I started to calm down. Olga was sitting on the ground next to me and I had my head in her lap. She started to pet my head in comfort and it was helping, quite relaxing actually. "I am going to guess that this wasn't a fight between you and one of our sisters."Olga chuckled. "No"I mumbled.

"Then what has made you so sad Vanya? I never have seen you cry this hard before, since the incident."
I took a deep breath and explained my situation, "I met Misha on the Standart in 1912, we were on our way to England. I started to like him and it felt as he did too. I was correct because when we were in Romania he asked me if I ever imaged myself with someone of lower rank like him. I of course did but told him no. Mama would never allow it, we are supposed to marry foreign princes. When I told him no, I also said that I pictured myself living alone. When I realized my mistake, I wanted to see him and tell him my true feelings but I couldn't find him. Today when I saw him, he came to tell me that he is engaged, and I'm all alone."

I looked up at Olga, she had pity in her eyes, "Oh Vanya, it's not the end of the world. It's difficult now but soon the pain will go away. I was in a similar situation once. I had a silly crush on an officer that works on the standart. But anything further than friendship was impossible due to our ranks. He ended up marrying a girl with the same name as me which stung very much in my little heart. I ended up getting over him as time went on, now whenever I see him, it's just a funny memory I keep to myself. Vanya, we as grand duchesses can not show our emotions. I am glad that I never did something stupid as tell that officer how I felt, it would have brought down my reputation, but most importantly our family's. Emotions are just things the public can not know about. We have a certain aroma we have to put up as daughter of the Tsars, always happy and graceful. You should be glad that you were too late, think of the shame. As time will go on, you will be sweet for someone else. When emotions arise like these, you can always talk to us, your family. Do not worry little sister, I will help you with your pain."

I laid in place, processing the speech Olga gave me. She was right, right about everything. "Thank you Olga, you are right."I muttered. "Of course darling"she comforted. I closed my eyes for a few seconds until I heard the French doors slam open. When I opened my eyes, I found Tatiana standing with a face of worry, "Papa has called a family meeting."she shivered. Olga and I got up and dusted off our dresses. The three of us speed walked to Mama's tea room. There sat Mama and Anya on the couch, Papa stood with a look of concentration, Anastasia and Alexei sat on the other couch with Lili.

"Germany has declared war on us."Papa announced.

The room went silent for a long time until it was broken by Mama, she started to cry. My siblings followed with mixed reactions of shock and tearful eyes. I remember just standing still, the time grew closer and so did the downfall of the Romanov family.

I looked over at Tatiana but she was already looking at me with horror filled in her eyes because I am definitely sure that she remembered our deal from 1912.