To The End With You

C h a p t e r F o r t y - S i x

Photo: Grand Duchess Tatiana Nikolaevna and Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna 1914-(15)

September 1914
I sat painting inside our learning room. I came back from a long day of conversing with soldiers and this was how I chose to spend my break. I still had trouble starting conversations but I have made a few friends with the soldiers, they usually introduce me to others. Evelina sat quietly, working on a knitting project so we could donate to charity. I have been very cold towards Evelina but I was yearning to know about Misha's whereabouts. "Is your wedding still in October?"I asked her. Evelina was caught off guard at my question, "Yes that is the plan, Misha has gone to the war front to fight, which makes me worry very much. But he told me that he would comeback for a few days so we could get married. He said that he could not wait anymore."

Swallowing my dislike for the situation, I told her "How nice" and continued to paint. This time I was painting my home from Arizona. I had the photograph in my hand. It gave me chills every time I thought about my old life and how I realized that I have forgotten so many things. Even if I do eventually forget everything from the modern world, I will have this photograph of the person that I once was before. I also made a mental note to show Tatiana the picture later.

I noticed Maria walked in, I ignored her as I was still mad that she wrote love letters to Prince Edward in my name. Also she sent him a photograph of my picture, which made me shiver in disgust thinking that a stranger was keeping it on their bedside. Maria came and sat down next to me, watching as I painted the house. I hid the photograph from her sight but continued to paint anyways. "Your paintings are beautiful, and very unique,"she commented. I kept ignoring her, keeping my eyes on the portrait.

"Please forgive me my dear darling sister! I never meant to harm you! I just- I thought it would help you out."Maria confided. I kept silent, how did she think that this would help me? What in the world made her think that I would smile at her with gratitude once I found out? Although I wanted to yell all of this anger out, I couldn't because I was a Grand Duchess and Grand Duchesses don't yell, they are graceful. I let out all of my annoyance, frustration, and anger with a heavy sigh.

I stood up, taking the smock off of me. I started to clean up. Maria followed me around the room, pleading and begging constantly that she was sorry until Baroness Sophie, Mama's lady in waiting gracefully entered and monotonously said, "The Tsarina requests the presence of Valentina Nikolaevna," I whipped the rest of paint off my hands and left the room, following Baroness Sophie, she was very monotone and kind of creepy in my opinion.

She led me to the closed doors of Mama's tea room. She knocked and once we heard a "Come in" the Baroness opened the doors to reveal, Mama, Anna, and ... Rasputin. My head started to spin, my heart started to beat faster, and I felt the room closing in on me. He did not even acknowledge my entrance. "Vanya come, Greet Father Grigori!"Mama ordered as I snapped out of my thoughts. I walked closer to Mama, noticing that Rasputin had his piercing blue eyes already fixed on me. I bowed respectfully, "Father Grigori," I muttered through gritted teeth. "Ah, Valentina Nikolaevna! It has been sometime since I had the pleasure of encountering you!"he smiled. I could see through his disguise. From the last time I have seen him, he did not change much. He had longer facial hair and looked a little bit aged.

He was the one that wanted to kill me, he is one that caused pain and misery throughout my family. "Indeed it has been! Now sit down Vanya!"Mama answered for me. I sat down next to her on the couch. Rasputin and Anna sat together on the couch next to us. "Tell me my flower, how have you been since we have last seen each other?" Rasputin inquired. "Happy...er," I whispered the last part underneath my breath. "Oh Vanya! Be more direct! Aren't you happy that you get to see our friend again? Your Grandmama has been terrible, making up crazy stories and what not," Mama frowned.

"You don't have to be afraid Vanya, Father Grigori is a healer with connections to our lord and savior! He wouldn't want anything bad to come upon us." Anna explained before sipping from her cup of tea. "Mama why am I here?"I whispered to her specifically yet the room was so quiet I am sure everyone heard me. "I spoke to Father Grigori about your issues and he has agreed to help!" Mama exclaimed. "W-what help?"I shivered.

"When I was growing up I did not have the opportunities you have! With the help of Father Grigori, you can conquer all of your fears of speaking to new people! He can finally cure you of your damage." I knew that she was referring to my ' schizophrenia'. "I shall cure you of your fear of speaking." He stood up from his seat and kneeled in front of me. He took his cold leathery hands and placed them on top of mine. He closed his eyes, muttering a prayer, he opened his eyes, taking his pointing finger and moving it in a circle in front of me, "Let your eyes follow my finger, Valentina Nikolaevna."

I did not have much of an option so I did as I was told. My eyes following his finger, he then snap his fingers all of a sudden and said this, "Try to remember a time before the accident." I thought for a second, nothing came to mind. I tried to think hard, I was getting ready to give up when it came to me.
***
"Valentina Nikolaevna! You can't catch me!" 6 year old Anastasia giggled. "That is what you think little sister!"I exclaimed, running after her. We seemed to be playing some form of side and seek mixed with tag. "Valentina! Anastasia!"I heard a voice call. I turned to find my Mama calling us. I turned away from my sister and ran up to Mama with Nastya right behind me. A unknown man stood next to Mama. "Valentina, this is Mr. Sydney Gibbes, he will be your English tutor." Back then I just moved in with Mama and Papa and my sisters, I was very excited yet sad. I lived with my Aunt Ella and Uncle Sergei  for very long but after his death I was moved to live with my family. I was just adjusting to my new life.

"Hello Mr.Gibbes!"Anastasia shouted. "Hello Anastasia,"he smiled, adoring the little girl's excitement. "Mama why must I need an English tutor when I already speak English? When I lived with Auntie, I did not have an English tutor." I questioned. "Valentina manners!"Mama scolded. "I am very for my behavior,"I bowed to Mr.Gibbes in embarrassment, "I look forward to English tutoring." I politely said. The man gave me an awkward smile as Mama walked leading him back inside.

I looked up a Shura, a lady in waiting of Anastasia's that was watching us, "Shura! What did I say wrong! Will Mama send me back to live with Auntie Ella anytime soon?"I cried out, Anastasia just watched me with confusion. Shura took me into her arms, "Of course not darling! Your Mama loves you very much!" She stroked my hair and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Do not worry my маленький цветок! You are loved as as equally as your sisters! Now go play with Anastasie!" I did as I was told and went back to Nastya.

"You meet Mr. Gibbes already?"I asked my littlest sister, "Yes! He has been tutoring us for a while now."Anastasia shrugged, "Let's continue to play!"she insisted.
***
I was in a frozen sweat, I snapped back into reality, everyone's gaze was on me, including those sharp blue eyes of Rasputin. "I- I remembered."I gasped, trying to process my shock. Everyone's shocked followed mine. I looked up at Mama. She was holding onto the couch for balance while her other hand was placed on her chest. She had wide eyes and I could tell what she was thinking about. My Mama thought that the impossible became possible all because of Rasputin. He had performed another miracle right in front of her eyes, that she was not ever going to forget, curing a small part of her second ill child.