To The End With You

C h a p t e r F o r t y- N i n e

Photo: The big pair 1914

November 1914
I was about to take the ring off when I stopped myself, Tatiana my conscious nagged. Olga, Maria, Anastasia, Papa, Alexei, Auntie Olga, Auntie Ella, and my dearly beloved Mama, my family loved me. I had a family. In return I will save them. "No," I let the ring stay on my finger, "I am not leaving,"

"WRONG ANSWER VALENTINA," the good and bad angels spoke at the same time. The screaming started again. I covered my ears and closed my eyes.
***
"Vanya! Vanya!" I heard voices echo. I felt that I was in a bed, a very comfortable one with pillows, we did not sleep with pillows. I was scared to open my eyes, scared to see who would be sitting beside me. I can't believe I did it, I have betrayed my family from Arizona. I knew that I would eventually have to open my eyes so I opened them.

My vision was blurred as I saw a figure beside me, holding onto my hand. I blinked a few times to clear up my vision. "Vanya!" a voice exclaimed, I recognized it, "T-Tatiana? "I muttered. "Yes! Vanya, it's me Tatiana." the voice assured. I blinked again, in front of sat Tatiana, holding my hand with a concerned face. I did not care where I was or who was in the room. I sat up in the speed of light and wrapped my arms around her, my emotions were coming out and I started to cry. I cried because I was thankful that this panic was over with. Those moments of uncertainty were over, relief came with tears.

I could have not imagined my life continue if I was back in 2018. Tatiana was shocked by my actions, I feel that she did not hug me back until a few moments later. She petted my hair in comfort as I cried everything out. "Vanya why are you crying? Are you hurt?" she questioned me. I didn't answer because I couldn't, I couldn't stop crying. Tatiana sat comforting me as I cried in her arms for some time. After a few minutes I had gotten everything out of my system. I pulled myself away from Tatiana and wiped my tears away with my hands. "Vanya, what is wrong?" she asked me again. "No, nothing is wrong. I am just so happy to see you." my voice cracked as I started to sob again.

Tanya rubbed my back in comfort. It took a while before I stopped crying. I pulled away from my sister, my parents were in the room but my other siblings were not. "She has gone hysterical!" I heard my mama say to papa. I looked over at Tatiana, "I- I need you tell you something important, you need to know, but not here!" I sounded crazy but it was true, I wanted to share my vision. Tatiana looked back at Mama and Papa, "Valentina told me that she had a bad nightmare."

"A night terror caused her hysterical crying?" Mama said in disbelief. "You do not need Dr. Botkin, she just fainted from the cold!" Tatiana lied for me, she sounded very convincing. "Mama we are nurses! We can handle this! I can handle this! I have looked after Alyosha before, Vanya shouldn't be any trouble. Go prepare for Vanya's ball, I can handle this."

Mama looked at Papa and he nodded his head, thank god that he agreed with Tatiana. Mama got up and walked over to my bedside, she kissed my forehead and muttered, "My poor child," before leaving the room. "You are very strong Vanya" Papa smiled before going after Mama. Once the door shut Tatya turned to me, "Explain" was all she said. I did just that, I told her about the angels, of my visions from the past, I told her about the good angel and the bad one, I told her about my option to stay or go.

Tatiana was very quite after I told her everything. I continued to cry, I betrayed my old family. "I'm I- ," Tatiana burst into tears as well. We cried in each other's arms for some time until I asked her, "Why are you crying?"
"Because no one ever believed you, no one was there for you when you were in pain, I could have been there." She explained through her tears. "I am so sorry Vanya, I am so sorry that I have let you down."

Now I was the one comforting Tatiana. I let her cry it out although I was the one that just had a breakdown. "I am so so so sorry Vanya." She repeated. I rubbed her back in comfort, "Tatiana really, you don't need to apologize, I'm not mad or sad." I lied, I was sad. Sad because I have just betrayed my old family. "Vanya." Tatiana muttered. Her head was in my lap and I was petting her hair in comfort as we were residing on my bed, "I am glad that you stayed, I am glad that you chose us," she confessed. I stayed silent as I let her continue, "You could have left back to your old life and live a life where no one would see you as sick yet you stayed.".

"Well if I kept repeating your names and being a grand duchess I would have ended up in a mental hospital." I joked, yet that would have been very likely true. "Also I would miss all of you. You are my family after all." I said. "I would miss you too Vanya, I can't imagine having a life without you here." Tatiana said. I could imagine it, I could see it. OTMA, not OTVMA.

"We should get ready for the ball." I stated. "That is true my darling sister!" Tatiana got off of me. "But first I must give you a check up, to make sure that you are okay." Tatiana commented. "Really?" I dreaded. "Yes! I must make sure that you did not hurt yourself after the fall!" Tanya explained.

After the check up we left the room and got ready for the ball. I was put into Olga's pink dress, the one that she wore for her 16th birthday. "It's time to put your hair up." Olga exclaimed. I sat in chair as the lady in waiting put my hair up, it was similarly styled to Olga's hair now, except it had more poof. The big pair helped fix my face with the light touch of powder and perfume. I was given borrowed jewelry from Mama and I looked grown up, finally, 16 again.