It's been a whole week and I was still MIA from my family and my social media. I also didn't leave the house and the only person I physically had in my house was Dani. I didn't see Michael once I gave him his bags of things. I also didn't hear from him either which I already knew I wasn't so I wasn't going to trip on it.
I was laying in my bed around 7 o clock at night washed and dressed in house clothes that I threw on for bed
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like I did everyday of this week just laying there. All of this honestly sucked and I was trying to figure out what I was going to do. This woman has made a mockery of the things that I have been through with Jevon, he cheated on me with her, they ended up being with each other and she would try and gain clout off of me any slight chance she could get. Why the fuck would I help this woman out?! Why would I seriously go back and endure all of this shit I've been through with Jevon all over again just to be in their drama?!
If Maya felt she one upped me all these years I felt like she needed to stand on that shit and deal with the consequences of that. But then again I knew how I felt being in that position of being abused, crying at night wondering when he was going to be done with me, hell sometimes wondered if this was my fault. At one point I just wanted him to pull the trigger or kill Myself because I was THAT scared.
Michael may never understand this but me not telling him never came from a Malicious state. I wanted to talk to him but he was no where to be found and if I tell him that, I didn't want him to be further upset or mad at me, thinking I was blaming him for what happened to me. How do you honestly tell anyone this has happened to you especially a man that you love? I was scared to even tell my parents imagine actually telling Michael how I felt at the time and what I been through. Once I got out here I felt a sense of freedom, spoke to my counselor and thought I was okay. Michael knows I didn't know that Maya was showing up that night at the restaurant for Amari's birthday. I didn't understand why he was so mad at me for this I was scared at the time and not I just want to forget about it and deal with it my way.
One thing I did I agreed with Michael on was just calling it a quits because honestly I clearly have more shit to figure out and if you can't handle me and be there for me when I need you to be there for me but I'm constantly always there for you then I'm clearly wasting my time. I love him so much and it hurts to let go but If he can't see that then there's nothing I can do about it.
I decided to get my iPad and do at least something productive since I've been in the house all week laying down. I head downstairs going to go sit in my living room to get out of my room. I went through my emails seeing emails from my manager and lawyers about the situation asking me if I were okay and whenever I was ready to take action they were there. I just slid out of my email going to my messages seeing endless blue dots next to people names including texts from Laila, my mother and Will. My father didn't reach out to me nor did I really care if he did because honestly Will was my dad.
