Lost Loving Souls (Connor x Reader)

Chapter 11

You made it home and you walked inside feeling like you could lay down and not give a shit if you didn't get up for a week. You walked over to the couch and collapsed onto it. You didn't feel like doing anything. Then, you thought about all that had happened. You remembered how Connor had treated you. How he'd saved your life. You didn't understand the feeling you were getting. It made your chest feel heavy and it was so uncomfortable. 

You shot up with a shout of frustration. I just want it to go AWAY! You gripped the couch, breathing hard. Then, you remembered that you were home. You had all of your things here. An idea quickly formed in your head. 

You went to your room and undressed, tossing on some loose and semi showing PJ's. You spotted your necklace. You frowned a little. You put it back on, knowing that nobody would see it anymore tonight. Then, you went into the living room and played your music on the surround sound speakers in your living room. You went to the kitchen and grabbed all of the drinks you had.

You wondered what you could do to make this interesting. You wanted to make the feeling go away, so you were going to do everything in your power to force it to go away. You got another idea. You knew it would work, but it was dangerous. Should I really be doing this? You looked down at your necklace. You felt your heart start to ache. That was the push you needed.

You took a bottle and drank all of it as quick as you could. You then got up and got a large old blanket that you didn't care about. You laid it out on the floor so that way it wouldn't wreck your floor if you threw up. You then put in a really difficult game to win. The idea was that you drink an entire bottle every time you lost.

You started playing and you made it past the first level. As you played, you began to feel the effects of your drink setting in. You smiled a little as you realized this. Soon, you know you'd be too drunk to even understand what you were doing. It was exactly what you wanted.

As you thought about this, you became distracted and died. You shrugged, grabbing another bottle and drinking all of it quickly. You tossed it into the garbage that you'd moved to beside the couch and kept playing.

You made it past a few more levels until you lost again. You grabbed your third bottle and drank it. You drank a bit slower this time, feeling loopy as it was already. Then, Resinilly hopped onto your lap. She meowed and pawed at you worriedly. You sighed.

"Girl...j-just let me be." You told her. She head butted you gently. "No." You said firmly. She meowed louder. "I said no! I'm not gonna stop! I hate this feeling and I'm going to get rid of it!" You shouted, picking her up and setting her on the ground. Jackson came over and began meowing too. You groaned in frustration. "Look you two...I...I can't take it. I just want to forget. Please just let me do what I want to tonight. Just...leave me alone." You told them, tears rolling down your face. They both stood there for a moment before padding toward you. They rubbed up against you a few times before stopping and padding off to your room where their bed was.

You sat there. You grabbed another bottle and gulped it down as fast as you could out of anger. You slammed it into the garbage, causing it to break along with breaking a few other bottles. You didn't care. 

You started crying. You hated it. You hated everything that always stuck with you. You knew you could never forget. You knew you could never get better. What had happened had been the final hit. The final trigger. It had shattered you and there was no fixing something that broken. 

You finally calmed yourself and shut off the game, turning the TV back on. You felt incredibly dizzy now. You grabbed another bottle, drinking that one too. This one you had to space out because you felt sick enough already. Your vision was getting hazy. You kept drinking it. Your stomach was in knots. You didn't care. You felt yourself starting to black out. You gulped down the last of the bottle before collapsing back onto the couch. You felt so out of it. You could hardly keep your eyes open let alone focus your thoughts. You passed out on your couch with the empty bottle loosely hanging in your grip. You had been right. It had worked.

Connor's POV

I was in the garden. It was raining this time. It still seemed calm and serene as usual though. I had to report to Amanda again. I walked over to her and she gave me a smile. I nodded back to her in response. 

"Hello, Amanda."

"Connor, I've been expecting you. Would you mind a little walk?" She asked. I stood next to her and opened the umbrella I had. We began to walk along. "That deviant seemed to be an intriguing case. Pity you didn't manage to catch it." She said. 

"Deviants can be completely irrational, which makes it difficult to anticipate their behavior, but I should've been more effective," I said.

"Did you manage to learn anything?" She asked.

"I found it's diary, but it was encrypted. It may take weeks to decipher."

"What else?" She asked.

"The walls on the apartment were covered with drawings and labyrinths and other symbols. Like the other deviants, it seemed obsessed with rA9." I explained.

"You came very close to capturing that deviant," Amanda told me. "How is your relationship with the lieutenants developing?"

"Lieutenant Anderson seemed grateful that I rescued Lieutenant (L/n) on the roof. The two of them are very close. I suppose he would be more concerned for her. He may feel like he needs to protect her. He didn't say anything about it, but he expressed it in his own way." I told her.

"And what about Miss (L/n)?" Amanda asked me. I thought about it.

"She seems...more emotional than Anderson. She tries to hide it, but it's not very difficult to see that something is always bothering her. It only seems to escalate when I try being kind to her. I am unsure why this is. It's like she just switches between being alright and then closing herself off. I still think that I am making progress with her. She did seem grateful, in her own way, when I helped her on the roof as well." I explained.

"We don't have much time. Deviancy continues to spread, it's only a matter of time until the media finds out about it. We need to stop this, whatever it takes." She told me.

"I will solve this investigation, Amanda. I won't disappoint you." I promised her.

"A new case just came in. Find Anderson and (L/n) and investigate it." She said, and left. I knew I had to make progress soon, or she would start to lose faith in me. I had to get going. I better find Lieutenant (L/n) first. She knows where Anderson would be. It's the fastest way to find both of them. With that, I left the garden and I set out to find her.