Lost Loving Souls (Connor x Reader)

Chapter 127

Gavin's POV

In the morning, my head was spinning and I felt like shit. I groaned and huffed as I laid there. Fuck...I should've known not to buy alcohol. I sighed and opened my eyes. The light from the window was bright and blinding. It looked like it was a bright and happy morning. Well...for me, that was the most ironic thing in the world. That morning was anything but happy.

I looked out the window and I smiled a little, not yet realizing that my life was just about to get turned over with no warning. The worst part is, I'll always live with the guilt that it was my fault. If I hadn't said anything and if I hadn't been such an idiot, maybe it would've never happened. 

As I laid there, I wished Collin was with me. I'd gotten used to him being there for me. It really did make my morning and believe me, I was not a morning person. Not most days, anyway.

Another thing was that I was having a lot of trouble remembering what happened the night before. I blamed the drinks for that one. I sighed again and sat up. I got up to get dressed, not really thinking about how I wasn't wearing anything. I did that every so often if it was hot at night. I swear I hit new levels of stupid every day, but moving on.

As soon as I'd gotten dressed, I heard a sound. It was one I wasn't used to hearing. I turned and I could've had a heart attack and died right there. At the time, I really wished I had. (Y/n) was laying under the covers on the other side of the bed, and I could clearly see that she didn't have anything on either. 

Not really knowing how to react, I just kinda locked myself in the bathroom. I splashed cold water onto my face, but it didn't help. I was shaking and my heart was racing. My knuckles were white from gripping the counter so hard. I thought I was going to straight-up snap part of the counter off from the pressure I was putting on it. 

I flipped my hair back before looking at myself in the mirror. The only other time I had been this scared was when my sister had attacked me. I could see how pale my skin was and I swear my eyes were as big as tennis balls. I was struggling to breathe. I thought I was having a heart attack, but it proved to be false since I wasn't in pain or falling over. After that, my thoughts just started racing. 

Fuck, what have I done!? Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT!! God, what am I going to do!? What's SHE going to do!? She'll kill me for this. I'LL kill me for this, for fuck's sake! What if she tells people about it!? No...no that makes no sense. She wouldn't want Connor to find out about it. But we can't just move past this! It's not like we can just say 'never speak of this' and carry on like nothing happened! God, I'm screwed! I'm so fucking screwed!

By the time I was finally able to stop my silent ramble, I was tearing up and I felt so much guilt. I didn't even know if (Y/n) had even done this before! If she hadn't, I really could just start writing my will. 

"What am I gonna do?" What made it worse is that (Y/n) had already been through shit like this with Shane. She knew how much stuff like this hurt and now because of me, she'd done it herself. If Connor ever found out, it would kill her. It would completely wreck both of them. All because of me...

I knew I had to come out sooner or later. I took in a deep breath after I had calmed down enough to stop crying. I walked out of the bathroom as silently as I could, but as soon as I had turned around, I saw (Y/n) sitting on the other end of the bed. She was dressed, thankfully, but just by the way she was sitting I knew. She was not handling it well. 

I walked over. I knew she heard me, but she didn't look at me. I sat down next to her, biting my lip. The silence was extremely uncomfortable. I sighed.

"(Y/n)...I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I...I understand if you hate me for this." I said. She said nothing. I frowned and I felt even worse. I was about to get up and leave to let her be alone, but she suddenly latched onto me. She was shaking like a leaf and I could hear her sobs and whimpers. I held her, trying to be as much comfort as I could. 

"I-I'm s-sorry." I froze.

"What!? Fuck that, don't even think this is because of you for one damn second!" I said.

"Gavin...we both fucked up so bad! What are we going to do!? God, I was just so drunk and I-"

"(Y/n), we were both drunk. I should never have gotten that stuff. I shouldn't have even suggested this stupid idea! You know this never would've happened if-"

"This wouldn't have happened if we were thinking clearly." She cut me off, wiping her tears away. I nodded.

"So...you don't hate me?" She shook her head.

"I'm not gonna blame you for something we both did wrong, but I'm just...so incredibly scared! Nobody can ever know about this!"

"(Y/n), calm down. Breathe, okay? I...I don't know what to do either, but...we won't let them find out. I promise." She sniffed and nodded, trying to breathe properly. 

"Let's just...act like nothing happened." She said.

"Seriously!?" I exclaimed.

"What else can we do!?" I sighed.

"I...I have no idea." I looked at her. "Go take a shower. You need it. I'll see what I can make for breakfast. And...I'm so sorry, (Y/n)." She hugged me.

"I forgive you, Gavin. It wasn't only your fault. I played a part in it too. If one of us had kept our head straight, it wouldn't have happened. I should've known not to get drunk because I knew you were going to." I let out an embarrassed chuckle, but my frown returned fast. 

"Just...go," I muttered. She got up without a word, looking sad, guilty, and scared. I couldn't blame her. As soon as I heard the water running, I let my face fall into my hands. If only time travel wasn't impossible. I got up and wandered to the kitchen. Things would never be the same from that point on. At least...that's what we thought we knew. At that point, it was hard to know anything except one fact. We screwed up...hard.