Mark returned some days later and found me hopeless on the kitchen floor with my head between my legs. I was worn out, I tried baking again, just to get my mind off things, but it was a disaster, I just ended up making an even bigger mess,
"Where's Zoe?" he worried.
I pointed, and he sprinted towards the direction to find the baby in the court, sleeping.
He returned and stooped down to me,
"She's breathing, that's good, you did well."
I chuckled quietly,
"You okay?" he asked.
I lie with a nod,
"You look like you need a drink." he teases. I chuckle, and then my emotion just bursts out of control, "I-I'm lost, I-I don't even know what I'm doing anymore."
"Hey." Mark immediately took me in his arms and I crumbled into him, my fingers clutching desperately into his shirt as a ceaseless amount of tears washed down my face. "I-I just want the pain to stop."
Mark held me as I let out every ounce of frustration, grief and anger in my heart.
Eventually, I pulled myself together and managed to do some work around the house. The house was in chaos, it's been a week since mama left, James left too, it's just been me and the baby.
I dried the dishes while Mark fed the baby, he sure was dutiful? The baby didn't stop screaming, the formula wasn't working for her anymore, I noticed. I can't remember the last time I breastfed her. Do I still know how?
Sighing, I walked over to them,
"Can I?"
I took the baby in my arms, and she immediately stopped crying.
"That's amazing," he exclaimed.
I raised my shirt and tried to breastfeed her, Marks turned away shyly.
I chuckled at his reaction.
"You're natural at this," he muttered with his back still turned.
"I'm a mother, it's one thing I don't completely suck at, besides failing them in the end." I muttered and looked down at Zoe. Meeting Zoe was like an outer experience for me. At first I wasn't expecting her, of course, she had to come a week after I had lost Joseph. I was devastated and I didn't think I deserved another child. I mean, what am I going to teach her? Having only boys was different, but having a girl, I would have to raise her and teach her values, how to be tough and self-sufficient, I don't even know what that means myself. I'm a wreck, and in love with a nightmare.
Silence.
Zoe fell asleep in my arms and I quickly adjusted myself.
"Have you gone to see him? I mean Luke." He waved in.
My heart quickened a bit,
"What for?" I exclaimed in annoyance. I'm afraid of what I might do if I see him. "I hate him. ..He doesn't even know I had Zoe."
"I'm pretty sure he's figured it out by now. ." He's never going to meet her, I won't allow it.
Mark said and let a bout of deafening silence linger through the air, as if he was expecting my next words.
"How long is he looking at?" I waved in.
He finally turns to look at me,
"With everything we have on him, which is equal to almost nothing, he should be a free man whenever he wants, but he's chosen not to resist. He's pretty beaten up, he doesn't even have a defense counsel on his side, he rejected all the help, I'm assuming he's going to plead guilty on his next hearing."
