Jane
"Why didn't you tell me that man was back?" Mamma stopped by the Office, hollering.
"Mama, this is my place of work, please stop yelling."
"Answer me?"
I rolled my eyes with a sigh,
"I didn't think it was important, we're divorced."
"I heard he's living in your house."
"Mamma, who the hell is feeding you all these bulshit."
"Watch that mouth with me!" She warned, "Doesn't matter, they are not lying."
I huffed, mamma had a way of getting on my nerves, "He's staying at a hotel, he just stops by to see the kids, I can't stop him from seeing his children."
"His kids are not the only thing he's been seeing?"
"Mamma, stop!"
"You're telling me nothing as happened between you two in that house, I find that hard to believe, that man is slimy."
"Nothing has happened, for a matter of fact, I'm seeing someone, his name is Sam, he's a colleague at the office."
"Another white man!"
"Mamma, don't be racist, Sam is sweetheart."
"I'm sure he is, but you should be taking a break, you just got out of an awful relationship, you need some time for yourself, those kids."
"I had a year for myself, I'm good."
"You're not having a double mind, are you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Luke, that man has a way of messing with your head, you better not be thinking of going back to him, you're divorced, leave it that way, Jane."
"You know he was at church the other day, he sat at the back the whole time, he even stepped out during alter call, people might think he's a changed man, but I know Luke Hampton, he's pretending, that man hasn't changed, he's just trying to entice me back to him... So, you don't have to worry about me falling for his tricks again."
"You need to get a restraining order, that's what you need to do."
I shook my head,
"He hasn't done anything."
"Whatever you do, stay away from that man, think of everything he put you through, a man like that doesn't change overnight, Jane, they never do.."
~~~~~
Luke
I stared at the lukewarm chamomile tea, twirling it absently with a spoon, maybe if I stir the liquid long enough, these sessions would be over.
"Luke?"
I looked up at the psychotherapist, sitting across me, I'm supposed to see one once a week, it's part of the treatment I suppose..
I've been one to see a shrink, I always hated the idea of sitting in a room and talking to a stranger about my problems, and how they pretend to understand the shit that goes through your mind, most importantly, I hate how they make me vulnerable, like right now,
"We can do this all-day, Luke."
I'm not sure what she wants me to say at this point, do I feel any better, has all these sessions had any effect on my sanity, am I stable, I don't know the answer to those questions,
I don't feel anything as changed inside.
I still lose my shit sometimes,
I break things,
I get angry, more often lately.
"Your Mother. Have you talked to her?" She asked.
"Talk about what?"
"Talk about everything, how it felt to grow up in that house with her, you need to forgive her, Luke, that's the only way you can let go of the past, and that anger building up inside of you, promise me you would speak to her."
"Fine, I would see her."
"Good, that's what I want to hear, talk to her, don't call her, go over to her, when you do that, you call me and tell me how it went."
I nodded,
"Now, let's talk about something else, let's talk about your ex-wife, Jane. How's Jane?"
I shrugged, looking down at the cup.
"She doesn't trust me, honestly, I don't blame her, I wouldn't trust me either, I'm not sure how I feel lately, especially when I see her with someone else, this guy she's seeing, he as hands all over her, kissing her in front of me, it drives nearly to shreds, but I've been controlling it, I want to win her trust again... It's been difficult, she wouldn't even look at me."
"Have you tried to put yourself in her shoes? All you said you did to her, that's a lot to take in, Luke, that fear doesn't just go away."
"I know." I admitted. I guess I've been pushing too hard.
"Have you been with someone else besides Jane? Have you ever fancied another woman.."
"Never even crossed my mind."
"Maybe that's the problem, Let's do this then, go out tonight, meet someone new."
"I love Jane!"
"Luke, you seem obsessed with Jane, perhaps that's what she's most afraid of, that obsession reflects to her who you used to be, it's scary, you need to be able to curtail that addiction first, try being in the same room with someone else, you don't have to do anything with this person, just talk, get to know this other person that's not Jane."
"I don't see how that's gonna help."
"Try it, preferably tonight, then we would talk about it in another session."
