Only You - [Lip Gallagher]

death at a funeral

"I'm going to be the best fucking wife." Kassidi says which makes the pineapple fall from my mouth, "Wife?" I exclaim and Carl looks scared, "He proposed last night!" She squeals and my eyes widen, 'I did not!' Carl mouths to me as she shows off her ring, "Wow, that's amazing." I say, confused and shocked. "And to celebrate I bought presents!" She sings as she grabs two huge full Target bags, "The vibrations will lift up your follicles so that the blades cut below your skin." She smiles as she hands Frank clippers, "Thank you." He says, unenthused. "And a Nintendo 3DS for Liam." She runs over happily, "Dope." Liam says, taking it from her. "And for Sadie, Beats Solo 3s so you can tune out the chaos and work peaceful." She smiles as she hands me a beautiful brown pair, "Oh shit, thank you. I love the color." I smile, admiring the box, "I tried to find some dark green ones but I found one pair of brown ones, Carl told me you liked neutral dark colors." She smiles, "Thank you so much." I thank her once more; I don't like her but I appreciate any gifts, especially these. "And a Zen Garden with a tiny, little sand rake for you." She says, handing Lip the gift–boy does he need it. "And, um, a FitBit for Ian." "Sweet." Ian smiles, "And hot rollers for you." She says to Debbie, "Cool." She admires her new gift. "And for you, my sweet hot bitch," She speaks to Carl and my eyebrows furrow, "I found it!" She squeals as she holds up a vial, "Is that bloody?" Carl and I exclaim in sync–I don't know who sounded more concerned; him or I. She holds out her arm that has a cotton ball taped to it, "Is that your blood?" I ask, "No, it's Carl's blood now. He possesses me and vice versa." She smiles, "You're not possessing anything of his." I mother, standing up and walking towards them as I see her grab a huge knife and hold it against his arm "Woah, woah." I grab Kassidi's wrist as she tries to poke Carl with a knife, "Do not touch him with that thing." I take the knife out of her hand, "Then how else am I supposed to have his blood?" "You're not. Don't touch him." I defend him, "You're gonna let her talk to me like that?" Kassidi yells at Carl, "Yeah, he probably is beca-" I get cut off by Ian picking me up by my waist and carrying me upstairs. "Ian what the fuck?" I ask once he puts me down. "You don't want to get involved in that. She's fucking insane and Carl needs to break it off himself." Ian speaks calmly, "Fine." I groan, walking back downstairs to see Carl bleeding. "Oh my fucking G-" I mutter angrily to myself, "Sade, help me." He begs, "No Carl! I can do it, I'm gonna be your wife not her! You need to trust me." She yells at him and he looks petrified. I hate seeing my baby boy like this but I have to stay out of it, Carl has to do this himself.

Please hurry the fuck up Carl, my head is about to explode.

++

"Sade?" I hear Lip call, his voice sounds like it's full of pain, "Kitchen." I locate myself as I'm continuing to clean up the mess from Carl's blood in the sink, "Youens is dead." He says, causing me to turn around "Come here." I instantly pull him into an embrace. I know how much Youens meant to him, no matter how angry I was, I will always care for his feelings and him. "What happened?" I ask, rubbing his back as he sobs into my chest, I feel my shirt soak up each tear. "His daughter said he has a seizure from alcohol withdrawal." He says through sniffles. All of a sudden I hear Kassidi and Carl arguing, "You wanna go help him?" Lip asks, pulling away and wiping his face, "No," I grab his hand gently, "You need me." I say, pulling him back into an embrace as he begins to sob into me again. God as much as I wanted to go help my baby, Carl, Lip needed me ten times more.

++

"You sure you're okay to read that today?" I whisper to Lip as we walk into the funeral, "Doesn't matter if I am, I have to do it." He says, gripping the paper tightly, he's been working on his speech since the day he found out; he's not taking this well. "I'm here, okay?" I reassure him, grabbing his hand gently as we take our seats. He anxiously plays with my fingers as a woman steps up to the podium, "It has never been easy being around my dad but my favorite memory of him is this thing that he would do. He'd be in his office, hunched over paperwork and I'd knock and he'd look up, confused and then boom, just the biggest, warmest smile. That is the version of my dad that I'm going to remember and I'm grateful for every moment that I had with him, when he was just him." That last line struck my heart, I know how she feels. I begin to feel my chest grow heavy and my stomach uneasy but this is Lip's time to grieve, not mine.

Each time someone went up to the podium, I could feel Lip grow sadder and sadder, "You okay?" I check up on him quietly, he nods as squeezes my hand ever so tightly, I think my fingers lost their circulation. "We should go." Lip mutters, standing up and placing flowers on his seat. "Lip, what's wrong?" I ask as he throws away his letter. "Youens treated me like everyone else, I thought for some reason he actually cared for me but it wasn't just me. I was just the most fucked up one." Lip laughs as tears fall from his eyes, "Lip," I say, hugging him, "Why am I so fucked up?" He asks me, "It's not your fault." I say to him, softly. "I'm sorry." He pulls away, wiping his face and looking up to dry his tears. "Fuck, I'm sorry." He sounded just like I did. "Lip, let's go home." I reach for his hand and he backs off, "I gotta go." He says, leaving the building; shit.

++

As it started to get dark out and no signs of Lip, I decided to go to the one place I hoped he was, the shop.

I twisted the handle of the white metal door, it was unlocked and the heaviness in my chest instantly lifted. "Lip?" I call as I see bikes and tools thrown all over I spot him hunched over in a corner, "Lip." I empathize, sitting down next to him. "You should come home, it's late." I speak softly, "Sade, why are you here?" He asks in a sorrowful tone. "In your pink pajamas on this disgusting floor?" He slightly jokes, "Because I wanted to make sure you were okay, here and not spiraling and you're on the floor so, so am I." "Come on." He says, standing up then reaching for my hand, "I don't want you on the ground." He sniffles, sitting me up onto the one tool box he didn't knock over, "Like what you've done with the place." I tease, "Yeah, I regretted it as soon as I did it. Seems like a thing I do often." He talks down on himself. "I brought you something." I say reaching into my pocket and pulling out a pack of Reese's. "Here." I handed them to him, "I never liked these until we met." He smiles, opening them up gently. "Lip, I want you to be happy and I know that's not with me but I want to still be in your life no matter what." I confess, "Sadie, you make living worth something to me. This most recent time I've tried to get sober, it's only worked because I think of you. You have always meant the world and more to me." He speaks, "I'm just fucked up and a shitty person." "But you're aware of that and couldn't change for me?" "I tried but I don't know." He sighs, "Well, you know and I know we'll never be together again but like I said, I do want to have some significance in your life." He looks at me with pain in his eyes and nods, "Always." He says and I open my arms for a hug and he walks into me, hugging me so tight. We needed this hug, this was a good hug.